8 Signs That Someone is a Good Listener

And 10 Signs That Someone is a Bad Listner

Almost all relationships that end or never get started come from the inability to listen to who you are trying to communicate with. The art of listening is a learned ability that comes from the core foundation of self esteem and of course the ego’s need to be right. Through the arguments, shouting, or even soft-spoken words of pleading to be heard, you are more focused on what it is that you NEED to say and your partner’s words become a sound of “blah, blah, blah”. This is where you miss your opportunity to really understand what your partner, new boyfriend, family member or friend is feeling and thinking. If you do not comprehend that, then you are basically chasing your tail in ever being on the same emotional page.

To be an active listener, you must begin with awareness. When you and your partner argue without getting anywhere, nobody is truly listening. What you really have are two people who are busy making their own cases but not truly considering the other side. What you truly need (that your partner can’t give you) isn’t about your partner not listening to you and not giving you the love and understanding but that YOU aren’t listening to yourself. When you have that self-love, you listen to yourself, this means that you take the time to feel the emotions of the conversation and to feel the compassion for yourself, and to treat your emotions with kindness. Only in this way, can you learn the ability to become a good listener, which is imperative for a relationship to work.

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Below are some habits to learn and acquire for good listening and also behavior habits that show you have flunked the course.

Good Listener

1. Keeps eye contact and doesn’t drift looking elsewhere while conversing.
2. Stay attentive and alert to who you are speaking with, both verbally and physically.
3. You stay patient and let your partner finish what they have to say without interruption.
4. You respond either with a verbal remark or an expression. (keep the smirks to a minimum)
5. After your partner has said what they needed to say, ask the questions you need answered without sarcasm or a threatening tone.
6. Restate or summarizes what your partner has said to you so they know you have understood what was relayed to you.
7. Make sure your partner sees that you are interested in what they are saying.
8. Be open minded, don’t criticize and be willing to listen until they have finished what they want to say to you.

A Poor Listener

1. Interrupts your partner constantly (is impatient to say what you want to say).
2. You do not make eye contact and let your eyes wander while they are speaking.
3. You act distracted (fidgeting) and makes it obvious you are not paying attention to what your partner is saying.
4. You make it noticeable you are not interested in what your partner has to say.
5. You give little or no (verbal or nonverbal) feedback.
6. You change the subject.
7. You immediately take the stance of being judgmental and close minded.
8. Give your partner unwanted advice on what they just shared with you.
9. Always busy with something else to really be attentive and listen.
10. Keep the defenses down. It is not about you but about what your partner needs to say.

Susan Z

Susan Z Rich is an emotional addiction counselor, spiritual intuitive and holistic therapist. She counsels others to see life in a more positive way and teaches personal accountability for life choices. She is also the author of several children’s books and Soul Windows…Secrets From The Divine.