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Are You Training Others How to Treat You Right?

how to treat you

Are You Training Others How to Treat You Right?

Whether you realize it or not, we literally train people how to treat us … good or bad, we are ultimately responsible.

We do this by showing other people what we consider acceptable behavior toward us. People come to treat you a certain way because they receive some kind of pay off. For instance, if that person always chooses where you eat while you remain silent on the subject, then that other person is always getting their own way. Hence, the pay off. Comedians continually try to make light of situations and elicit their desired pay off … laughter.

People learn to treat others in specific ways as a result of how we react to them, or in some cases do not react. Sometimes not taking any action at all is just as effective as speaking up and demanding better treatment. For example, if someone is constantly disrespecting you and not taking your desires into account and you choose to remain silent, then you are telling this person that their treatment of you in this manner is acceptable. Choosing to remain silent can often lead to resentment on your end toward the other person.

Before you can expect others to have more respect for you, it is imperative that you have a healthy respect for yourself. If you do not respect yourself, why should anyone else? Also, The Golden Rule always applies … treat others how you expect to be treated. If you desire more patience and understanding from your partner or friend, then you must allow that same consideration to them.

Simply treating others as you desire to be treated is not always enough, though. You must also communicate your desires and expectations to the other person. This must be done thoroughly and effectively but with understanding rather than by being demanding.

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Do not yell or raise your voice, do not pout and certainly do not cry, do not ever utilize the silent treatment. Yelling or raising your voice will only elicit the same behavior from the other person and no one will pay any attention to what the other is trying to communicate. A fight will ensue which will most often result in crying or pouting by one of you. Crying or pouting expresses a lack of maturity and will lead to that other person losing respect for you. The silent treatment breeds resentment and distrust and is of no benefit to anyone.

If you find yourself caught up in a situation where the other person results to yelling, then calmly explain to that person that you will not continue the conversation until they calm down and can talk with you as a rational individual. Repeating this each time that person resorts to yelling in an effort to get their point across will ultimately teach that person that you will not tolerate such behavior.

Know that it may take months to gain the type of treatment you desire and that not everyone will stick around if they are expected to live up to certain standards. Some people simply lack the mental or emotional maturity to always be civil or show respect. In those cases, then you may well be better off without that type of energy in your life. Do not sacrifice your own self-worth and self-respect just to keep this individual in your life.

While you may desire a certain type of behavior from another person, you must also be realistic. You must know just what you have to work with in this other person. If you desire a particular level of intimacy and emotional availability, you must know the depth of emotions the other person can reach. Some people simply are not capable of expressing deep emotions because they do not feel them. If this is the case, then you must seriously weigh the pros and cons of having this person in your life at whatever cost.

(READ: A Bit of Appreciation Can Boost Your Relationships)

Tamara’s Verdict

Often times, a deeply emotional individual may gain an immediate pay off in having an unemotional person in their inner circle, but over time, this relationship will only prove detrimental. Hold others accountable for how they treat you. Hold yourself accountable for the treatment you tolerate. Respect yourself and demand the same from others. Training others how to treat you does not, in any way, apply to abusive situations or persons.

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Tamara is an award-winning writer with over 35 years experience as a Spiritual Life Coach, Psychic, Tarot Reader and Medium. She has worked with individuals all over the world through a myriad of life issues ranging from relationship and marriage counseling to dealing with grief and loss, as well as a whole host in between. She appears as a guest speaker on numerous podcasts and radio shows. To learn more about Tamara, please visit:

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