Be More Fearless In Your Relationships
In the capacity as a counselor, therapist, psychic reader and friend, I have known women and men who are some of the most capable and fearless individuals you would want to associate with, except when it comes to their personal love relationships. Somehow, they have the capability to morph into something akin to a spineless jellyfish.
No judgement intended at all as I used to be one of those lovelorn participants and heard that little talk from my friends also. You know the one. Where they say you have it so together in your life but you absolutely suck at love relationships and become something unidentifiable to them. Yep, heard it often enough, I finally did something about it and realized I did not like that other person who took my authentic self away and did my dating and loving.
Fear in relationships is a truly interesting thing. Our intimate fears are built on our past relationships and they manifest in different ways in our future ones. It is not easy for every person who has ever faced heartache or disappointment in a relationship to simply accept a great partner at face value. On some level, you are always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Taking a quote from a well-known clinical counselor, “Being ‘fearless’ means knowing you have fears, knowing it’s normal and then learning ways to face your fears in a grown-up way. Find ways to challenge your fears by putting your negative thoughts into perspective. Ask yourself, ‘what’s the worst thing that can happen if I…?'” and then fill in the blanks.
7 Tips for Being More Fearless
The only way to relinquish the hold that your past emotions have on you in your new or existing relationship is to be fearless. If you think this is easier said than done then try out these few suggestions to know what being fearless in general looks and feels like.
- Be In The Moment. When we live in the moment we choose to not let past or future issues bother us. We are only concerned with what is happening right now and how it will shape what’s next. It is exhausting and unkind to you worrying about what MIGHT happen!
- Throw Out Your Past. If you have to tell yourself each and every day that your new love interest is not anything like your ex(es) – that’s okay. We all need daily reminders to keep us focused on the good thing that is in front of us. What is important is that you do not treat your current partner poorly in response to the actions of an ex.
- Initiate A Conversation With A Stranger. Yep! I did say that! Someone in the grocery line, a good looking guy getting coffee in front of you. Strike up a short and simple conversation. You will be amazed how good you will feel afterwards.
- Be Open & Honest. It is safe to say that no one really enjoys talking about their feelings but it is one of those necessary evils of being in a relationship. Your relationship can only benefit from both of you being open and honest about how you are feeling and the things that are going on in your life. If your partner cannot respect, understand or reciprocate your feelings then it’s a good time to call it and move on.
- Initiate Sex. Go for it! If you are always the one who is responding to sexual signals that sex is now wanted and going to happen, turn the tables and initiate it yourself. Trust me on this, if you get turned down for sex, you have a big problem in the relationship and should not be in it. Unless of course it is legitimate excuse like his parents are walking up to the front door.
- Let Love Fill the Cracks. There are heartbroken people all over the world. The difference between those that wallow in their pain and those that move on to happy relationships is their willingness to let love in. In a fearless relationship, you make the choice every minute of every day with another person to let their love fill you and fill the cracks of your heart and soul. They become the pieces that make you whole.
- Know When Your Insecurities are Valid. You should always follow your gut instincts about how someone is treating you. Give honesty and expect honesty back in your relationships but don’t let yourself be so blinded by your affection that you miss the bigger picture.
Susan Z’s Verdict
If there is even the slightest bit of fear energy within a new perspective relationship or one your in, of you being cautious and dishonest of your authentic self, then the fear is on you. If you can’t say what you feel, do what you want to do in turn or expecting perfection from yourself, then you carry the fear you are ‘not enough’. You can start there.
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Susan Z Rich is an emotional addiction counselor, spiritual intuitive and holistic therapist. She counsels others to see life in a more positive way and teaches personal accountability for life choices. She is also the author of several children’s books and Soul Windows…Secrets From The Divine.