Can Long Distance Relationships Last?
In today’s online-dating world, many couples find themselves in long distance relationships. The everyday, face-to-face communication is believed to help foster and maintain romantic relationships by giving people a chance to display and understand each other but long-distance relationships have a chance to last if attended to in the right way.
In the new tech dating forums such as on-line dating, there are a different set of rules than those already in a relationship and different locations come between them after they have established a face to face emotional bond. My rule of thumb when it is a new relationship that started as long distance and looks like it may turn into something serious, then almost all the same rules apply but the meeting up part.
If you have been in an email, texts and FaceTime intimate relationship and still have not been able to actually sit down with one another within a 4 to 6 months mark, then there is a good possibility the relationship will never grow beyond a cyber space romance.
If you have a relationship with someone and they are traveling a lot of time or been transferred to another city, then these rules apply. Most of time you spend together on line is usually on your best behavior because you are so happy to hear from one another.
Safety of distance
You hold onto to positive memories that lead you to believe you have a lot more in common, regardless of whether or not you really do. Partners in long distances have the advantage of always “putting their best foot forward,” perpetuating these “idealizations” of the relationship. In other words, people in long distance relationships rarely see all the daily ups and downs of their partner’s moods and behavior.
What sometimes happens is once a relationship is no longer long-distance and the couple moves into closer proximity, these “idealizations” can lead to a break-up. Distance prevents partners from learning about each other’s negative qualities and bad hair days, potentially creating an overly positive impression. The relationship may be happy and stable while apart, but this false reality can become quite disappointing once back together.
Researchers have suggested that long distance relationships have a better chance of lasting if you can increase the quality as well as the frequency of interactions. Webcams, test messaging, phone calls, and emails can all supplement face-to-face communication.
Good communication skills are the key. You have to be willing to put yourself out there and express how you feel. Putting you in a position that you have to talk about everything, just as you would if you saw them every day.
When you are unable to be physically close, you and your partner need to develop other more creative and unique ways to become intimate. Talk about your erotic world and how it’s going to be acknowledged or not now that you are apart.
Sexual feelings are going to happen when you’re apart, so what are your hopes and expectations about how you’re going to handle that without being able to touch each other? Sweeping the issue under the carpet is not always the best method of staying connected emotionally.
Both of you have to consider your long-distance erotic preferences but they definitely need to be addressed if there is going to be any success in the relationship lasting. Put together some ideas for keeping romance and eroticism live between you. If you need some tips on heating things up in the bedroom, do a little research on it and get creative.
Know where your vulnerabilities are. If feeling rejected or abandoned is something familiar in your emotional history then you may be the type of person who takes unanswered texts or some radio silence extra hard, feeling more distressed than you should. This over-reacting can also be confusing to a partner who doesn’t share the same emotional background. It’s important to discuss, acknowledge and be nonjudgmental with each other’s vulnerabilities to help each other cope better with being apart.
Susan Z’s Verdict
Long distant relationships can work but only if there is an end game in sight. If you are apart, then knowing you will be together at a future time is an absolute. Then the odds of that long-distance relationship working out rise higher. It takes mutual work, understanding, patience and trust but it can be done.
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Susan Z Rich is an emotional addiction counselor, spiritual intuitive and holistic therapist. She counsels others to see life in a more positive way and teaches personal accountability for life choices. She is also the author of several children’s books and Soul Windows…Secrets From The Divine. (life cycles) Learn more at her website: www.szrwhitewings.com