Life & Love, Top Stories

We Can’t Choose Who We Love


We Can’t Choose Who We Love – But We Can Choose Who We Stay With

Why two people fall in love with each other has always been a fascinating subject to me. I listen as a reader and counselor to girlfriends, dates, spouses and long-time friends work through the gyrations of creating something that is loving, respectful, happy, joyful and the biggest challenge, to be long lasting.

Sometimes you see couples that just seem perfectly matched and they don’t make it and on the other end of the spectrum, couples that you wonder what in the world do they see in each other seem obliviously happy.

But it is fairly obvious in the scheme of how we come together in romantic love is that we don’t know why we chose one person over another. Why that one particular person just catches your eye and something clicks, evolving into a deeper committed relationship?

I believe the one absolute is that love is written into your soul record before incarnation with all parties involved having agreed. That soul family contract of who you are going to love could be anything from a karmic debt to be balanced, a soul family member volunteering to create hell in your life in order for you to learn self-esteem and strength or experiencing a lovers Disneyland vacation. Whatever the why’s of attraction is, the most important part of the life experience are your choices after you have fallen in love.

Eat, Pray, Love

I recently read that the partner of Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love, Rayya Elias, passed away at the age of 57. Gilbert first announced her relationship with Elias in September 2016 after Elias was diagnosed with pancreatic and liver cancer, an incurable disease.

The news came just a few months after her split from her husband, Jose Nunes, whom she famously wrote about in her best-selling book. “For those of you who are doing the math here and who are wondering if this situation is why my marriage came to an end this spring, the simple answer is yes,” she wrote of her relationship with Elias at the time.

In June the couple shared a “ceremony of love,” which Gilbert explained wasn’t legally binding, but “just a private celebration of what we have long known to be true: We belong to each other.”

The Eat, Pray, Love author took to social media to announce when her longtime love, Rayya Elias, passed away New Year’s week.

In a lengthy, heartfelt post, Gilbert praised her partner, whom she previously credited as being the reason for the end of her marriage in 2016.

“She was my love, my heart, my best friend, my teacher, my rebel, my angel, my protector, my challenger, my partner, my muse, my wizard, my surprise, my gift, my comet, my liberator, my rock star, my completely impossible non-cooperator, my otherworldly visitor, my spiritual portal, and my baby,” Gilbert wrote. “I loved you so much, Rayya.”

Calling their time together “the greatest honor of my life,” Gilbert concluded, “I would tell you to rest in peace, but I know that you always found peace boring. May you rest in excitement. I will always love you.”

(READ: Stop Confusing Sex and Love)

Susan Z’s Verdict

Here is a perfect example of how love finds us sometimes at the most unlikely times in our life. Gilbert was in a marriage to Jose Nunes that seemed ideal but along came Rayya into her life. What started out as a female bonding friendship blossomed into a far deeper love than either one expected. Gilbert could not stop herself from following her heart, leaving her husband and committing herself to Rayya. Even though she knew it would be only for a short time, that is where her heart took her. Sometimes we just don’t’ see those binding love contracts coming at us but we HAVE to react to them and follow them with your heart. Whatever the reason you have brought love into your life, you can rest assured it was all well planned out, discussed and agreed upon before incarnation. Romantically crafted to create a soul and heart expanding life experience for all involved. There are just simply no rules to whom you fall in love with.

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