Ways Your Childhood Impacts Your Love Relationships
In relationships, do you ever wonder why you do the things that you do? Do you ever look at yourself objectively and ask yourself, “What’s really going on with me?” The old saying “the fruit never falls to far from the tree” is absolutely correct.
Your definitions of how you love, what it looks and feels like, what it costs you to get it and whether you deserve to receive it is developed in your early years between the ages of 3 and 7 years of age.
Compounding the effect of those core beliefs in your early pubescent and teen years. It may be now time to start reconsidering those role models and lessons if your love life is a mess or just not working out so well.
The 5 Ways Your Childhood Impacts Your Relationship
#1 You Don’t Trust Easily
Trust is the foundation of any relationship. As adults, if we struggle with trusting others, it may be due to deep rooted issues from past ruptures with the people we were without question supposed to trust.
If our parents neglected us, abandoned us, abused us, criticized us and/or created a relationship that was conditional, we don’t realize that we innately feel a sense of insecurity as we evolve into our environment and sense of self as we grow.
#2 You Need a lot of Reassurance
If we weren’t given the reassurance as children that was necessary for us to feel a sense of confidence in ourselves to explore and make mistakes, never acknowledged to begin with or too much with criticism. If everything we did in our parent’s eyes was unseen, seen under a microscope, or seen through rose-colored glasses, we weren’t given the space to feel confident in our own achievements, flaws and mistakes, then you never feel ‘perfect’ enough to be loved unconditionally.
#3 You Struggle with Intimacy
Vulnerability is what rears it fearful head when you take a risk and are 100% authentic. “Intimacy” is when vulnerability is reciprocated with another person and if you fear dropping your guards down because hurt always follow, this is a programmed response.
This can be sexual, mental, and emotional. Levels of intimacy and vulnerability are built on the foundation of trust. If you find yourself struggling with any form of intimacy, it could be because you had a difficult time growing up feeling safe opening up, being yourself, felt misunderstood or you felt dismissed a lot.
#4 You Panic When You Perceive Your Partner Is Pulling Away
It may be “irrational,” but in those moments your brain isn’t able to reassure you that you’re just being irrational and you have nothing to worry about. If you experience an immediate (and overwhelming sense) of panic when you perceive your partner is shutting down, moving away and/or leaving you, it is your fear of abandonment. If you experienced any abandonment growing up, this innate trigger can become extreme in your adult romantic relationships.
#5 Your Biggest Coping Strategy is to Shut Down
If you find yourself shutting down a lot and needing time to process or “get away” from your partner or you struggle with conflict of any sort. You may have that sensitivity to conflict because you grew up with a lot of it or without any of it. Either way, you were not taught how to effectively argue and repair.
Susan Z’s Verdict
These 5 behaviors within relationships is commonplace for most of us on one level or another. To change the automatic response mechanisms in our subconscious and the terror our inner child experiences, you must first be aware of that negative inner voice of ego that begins the defense response.
Once you identify that, you can consciously start re-programing those old beliefs with affirmation tracks, mirror work, life coach counseling, sub-conscious remapping or any first step of self-awareness and change.
If you stay aware of the inner dialogue when this out of balance behavior begins, you can then begin to contradict the fearful and stressful thought processes. Regardless of what your age is, you can begin to undo the ‘less than’ loop that has been repeated in your subconscious.
(READ: Focus on You, Then Your Love Relationship)
Susan Z Rich is an emotional addiction counselor, spiritual intuitive and holistic therapist. She counsels others to see life in a more positive way and teaches personal accountability for life choices. She is also the author of several children’s books and Soul Windows…Secrets From The Divine.