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Constant Complaining Can Destroy Your Future Happiness

complaining

Constant Complaining Can Destroy Your Future Happiness

We all do it! When not satisfied with the meal that is served to us in a restaurant, when we have the worst haircut of our life with a new beautician, or when we have tried to make something work with every ounce of our being and it still is in the can, we can’t help but complain…​

Your brain loves efficiency and doesn’t like to work any harder than it has to. When you repeat a behavior, such as complaining, your neurons branch out to each other to ease the flow of information. This makes it much easier to repeat that behavior, so easy in fact, that you might not even realize you’re doing it.

Complaining is a person’s way of acknowledging that they are not happy with the way things are. The kind of complaining that I am addressing is the constant negative, “nothing goes right for me” kind of complaining on a daily basis.

When we spend all of our time complaining, we are in the essence of destroying rather than a building mode. Research shows that most people complain once a minute during a typical conversation.

Complaining is tempting because it feels good, but like many other things that are enjoyable—such as smoking or eating a pound of bacon for breakfast, complaining isn’t good for you nor does it create anything positive.

And here’s another kicker, research from Stanford University has shown that complaining shrinks the hippocampus, an area of the brain that’s critical to problem solving and intelligent thought. Damage to the hippocampus is really scary, especially when you consider that it’s one of the primary brain areas destroyed by Alzheimer’s.

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Tearing it down

If complaining has become a huge part of your identity, it may be time to take a good look at how you are spending your energy because that state of mind can destroy any potential happy future you are hoping for. Metaphorically, when we complain or criticize, we are tearing down an undesirable structure in order to make room for something new.

But if all we do is tear down, never bothering to summon the creative energy required to create something new, we create nothing positive. In fact, we are at risk of becoming a stagnant and destructive force in our own lives and in the lives of the people we love.

Another issue with complaining is that we sometimes tend to focus on other people, whom we can’t change, as a way of deflecting attention from the one person we can change–ourselves.

The first step to stop the complaining cycle is to be aware of how many negative comments you make about your life, your body, your job, your partner, your family, politics (I will give you that one) and things as silly as the postman crumpling your letter.

Make mental note that you have just spoken something negative, then on a marking board, make a strike. You will be amazed at how many daily marks are up there, even with leaving a few out.

Break the cycle that is putting your happily ever after future at risk, which is exactly what you are doing. Energy attracts energy and the universe thinks in black and white.

For example: if you constantly complain there are only jerks out there to date…. guess who comes knocking on your door? Yep! But if you change that statement to: “I know there are jerks out there but you can send them to someone else for I know I deserve a really great guy.” Then write your grocery list of what you think is a great guy and start talking and thinking about that. That goes for every area of your life.

Susan Z’s Verdict

No one is saying you must never complain about anything or you will go to hell and be unhappy for the rest of your life but if it is a way of life for you on a constant daily basis, you are seriously jeopardizing the future happiness you have in mind for yourself. Also, people will eventually get tired of it and you. The more you become aware that you are always complaining about something, the faster you can make a conscious effort to stop the destructive cycle.


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Susan Z Rich is an emotional addiction counselor, spiritual intuitive and holistic therapist. She counsels others to see life in a more positive way and teaches personal accountability for life choices. She is also the author of several children’s books and Soul Windows…Secrets From The Divine. (life cycles) Learn more at her website: www.szrwhitewings.com

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3 Comments

  1. My life journey thus far has been nothing but a struggle and a lot of suffering… I truly believe that I have already met my happily ever after and already almost screwed it all up by complaining.

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