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Why Empaths Tend To Attract Narcissist Partners

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Why Empaths Tend To Attract Narcissist Partners

Ever wonder why empaths always feel taken advantage of in their relationships? I have to say that in most cases, it is a rare that an empath is in a relationship that they feel “visible” or that they are not doing all the work. Being an empath, I completely understand the underlying energy in that observation!

So why is it that empaths have such a hard time with having a balanced, harmonious and peaceful relationship? Well it seems the old rule of “opposites attract” come into energetic play and if you are not on the top of your self-esteem game, the empath always ends up on the short end of partnering or not having one at all.

Apparently, empaths being who they are, tend to attract narcissists and self-absorbed people. If you think about it, it does kind of make sense. Empaths have a lot of compassion and understanding to give, while narcissists thrive on someone worshipping them. To add to that toxic combination, empaths tend to forgive everything the narcissist does. This results in feeling completely invisible, used and degraded, while the narcissist creates more and more chaos.

The opposite of a narcissist

In general, narcissists are attracted to people they will get the greatest use from. Often, this means they pursue and target empaths. Empaths are in every way, the opposite of narcissists. While people with narcissistic personality disorder have no empathy, they thrive on the need for admiration, empaths are highly sensitive and in tune with other people’s emotions.

Empaths are “emotional sponges,” who can absorb feelings from other people very easily. This makes them very attractive to narcissists who can make them feel like the center of your world, because they see someone who will fulfill their every need in a selfless way.

Quoted by Judith Orloff, who has written several books on empaths: “What narcissists see in empaths is a giving, loving person who is going to try and be devoted to you and love you and listen to you,” she said. “But unfortunately, empaths are attracted to narcissists, because at first this is about a false self. Narcissists present a false self, where they can seem charming and intelligent, and even giving, until you don’t do things their way, and then they get cold, withholding and punishing. It’s so hard for many empaths to believe that somebody just doesn’t have empathy, and that they can’t heal the other person with their love.”

Narcissists manipulate empaths by stringing them along with intermittent hope. They will integrate compliments and kindness into their behavior, making their partner believe that if they behave in the correct manner, they will get the loving person back who they once knew.

Empathetic people have the tendency to understand that we’re all human, we all have defects and they’re willing to be patient with someone else’s personal growth. Empaths will endure a long suffering and disappointing road if a narcissist says ‘I really want to change, I know I’m not perfect.’ They have these moments where they sort of admit fault, but they never actually follow through or truly believe it.

Narcissist red flags

There are many red flags that will come up when you have attracted a potential partner who is a narcissist, here are a few.

  1. 1. Their feelings seem to run hot and cold. At first, you are the greatest thing in their life and then they start finding fault with everything you do.
  2. 2. You are the one they expect to change in order for them to be happy. Big awakening here! They will never be happy with you as they are not happy with themselves.
  3. 3. Get rid of the idea that your loving compassion and understanding will eventually change them. It won’t! You will be the one suffering from emotional abandonment and sometimes abuse, while they will only see you as flawed.
  4. 4. Don’t do their work for them! Stop making excuses for their behavior or laying blame on yourself because you “should have, could have or would have” and then things will be all better. It never gets better unless they personally choose to do so and they have to first recognize their narcissist behavior. It is NOT your life assignment unless you want a relationship journey of emotional hurt and disappointment.

Susan Z’s Verdict

Work on yourself to know that you deserve to be seen, respected and not do 80% of the work in order for someone to love you and stay with you. The more focus you put on feeling good about who YOU are, the less inclined you will attract this type of person in your life and if he does show up, you will see it and send them packing. Just know you deserve better! After all, empaths are a beautiful gift for anyone to have in their lives. Don’t give your wonderful gifts away to someone who doesn’t have a clue how to honor them.


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Susan Z Rich is an emotional addiction counselor, spiritual intuitive and holistic therapist. She counsels others to see life in a more positive way and teaches personal accountability for life choices. She is also the author of several children’s books and Soul Windows…Secrets From The Divine. (life cycles) Learn more at her website: www.szrwhitewings.com

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