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Getting Over A Relationship Rejection

relationship rejection

Getting Over A Relationship Rejection

God! How relationship rejection cuts into your self-esteem, breaks your heart in two and pisses you off royally! Often in readings when asked why a partner no longer wants you, you have been dumped or ghosted by a new potential relationship, he never called back, the hidden energy behind those actions is the personal feelings of relationship rejection. Wanting to know why, is a crap shoot, for the variables are infinite. But all relationship rejections have one thing in common, they really hurt!

What makes relationship or dating rejection even more hard to deal with is the over the top effort you put into trying to understand what went wrong and can easily lead to bouts of self-criticism, feelings of less than and self-blaming. You start the scenario with: “Did they reject you because you’re not pretty enough, smart enough, rich enough, educated enough, or cool enough? Was it because you have kids, you worked too much, you didn’t like his tie or you made a simple joke about his scuffed shoes? What was the reason? That’s when you start to scenarioize if you would have done something differently, there would have been another outcome.

So how is a relationship rejection different from a social rejection, it is basically centered around only two people who have shared time, interaction of lives, sharing of personal self and emotional intimacy. It’s not the same as being excluded from a sorority in college or not being part of the cool crowd in high school. It goes deep into our heart, attacks our self-esteem and worthiness through the eyes of another. Why does it hurt so much? Many self-help gurus and personal development books will tell you that it shouldn’t, saying you don’t need anyone’s approval in order to feel happy and the only person whose approval you need is your own.

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On a general level, that is absolutely true, but something different happens when it comes to a relationship rejection, it falls into a category all its own. Here are a few suggestions from those relationship experts who say changing how your mind processes that relationship rejection will make all the difference on how fast you move through it and how quickly you make room for a new happy love.

  1. Stop the self-criticism. You have already taken a hit on your self-esteem, you want to add to it by piling even more of your own? Shit happens! Some dating situations go the distance and some don’t, the same with relationships. If you are going to go over “what went wrong?”, then write them down from the perspective as a couple, not a personal list of what you could have done differently.
  2. Give your self-esteem a boost of love. Instead of looking at anything you didn’t bring into a dating or relationship situation, write down what you DID bring into it. Including all the great qualities that make you a wonderful potential partner. His loss and now you are making room for someone who does see how awesome you are!
  3. Reach out to good friends and family that think you are the most amazing person they know! It will remind you of how valued and loved you are from your close inner circle, who definitely knows you better but try and not use them for a bitching session. Just let them pour the love over you.
  4. Let go of any projections of what could have been or what might still be. It always hurts when someone breaks up with us, even if it happens after a single date. The more we perceived the person as being ‘right’ for us, the more we pictured ourselves with them, allowing our expectations to build and the greater our heartache and disappointment will continue on. Give yourself closure.
  5. Stop brooding about the one that got away. If you repeatedly fantasize about all the things you could have said or done and knowing it is now too late, you have fallen into the trap of “should have, would have, could have”. If you find yourself continually replaying the breakup conversation in your mind over and over again, feeling the outrage and hurt every time, stop and make a list of all the wonderful things they are missing out not being with you and read it out loud. Listen to a self esteem track, read a happy book or a funny movie, anything to make YOU feel better, even for just a short period of time until the attachment goes away.
  6. Don’t personalize the rejection. Yes, you got dumped but it takes two people connecting to make a relationship of any kind happen. They also have their stuff going on and you were not the only person in the world that was experiencing rejection in that moment.

(READ: Stop Comparing Yourself To Others)

Susan Z’s Verdict

No one wins all the time and being rejected by a date or a relationship is part of the adventure of finding a life partner. I am sure that if you do a mental recall, you will remember rejecting someone yourself. It’s not karma, its living life.

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  1. I had will thought he was good friend but it turn out to be that he got what he went i let he use my car and he never come back it he said that i gave to he not ture now I don’t have car I lost my job because of of this don’t kno thing about him or my car this he coming back or what up with him could u please help me