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How Bitterness Consumes Our Personal Joy


How Bitterness Consumes Our Personal Joy

When we hold onto bitterness about a person or a situation that we feel wronged by sometimes is pretty tricky to spot. It feels like you are venting about an unfair situation and it usually feels good to get it off your chest to point out the unfairness of what was done to you or you not getting what you felt you deserved. But the catch is, while we are venting against someone or something, it leaves us open to move into victim energy and does not allow us to start the healing process of a perceived wrong done to against us. Bitter feelings allow us to become perfect victims, in that we no longer feel obliged to work toward healing but instead we focus on the pain that was caused.

Bitterness has its foundations entrenched in the idea that the pain we are feeling is providing us with a big go ahead to feel victimized. But what long term bitterness does to us is to rob our daily existence of experiencing joy. We may feel that we deserve to feel our bitterness to its full extent but holding onto to that bitterness cuts us off from everything that is positive and can harden our hearts to a point that we make a silent vow of never forgiving and holding onto to that poison.

Making the decision that we do not want to feel bitterness towards anyone or anything is experiencing the energetics of forgiveness of self and others. We think when we hold harsh feelings towards another that we somehow have the ultimate power over the situation but the exact opposite is what occurs. While we dwell on what was done to us, the person or situation moves on with their life. One of my counseling tools to encourage letting bitterness go and embracing forgiveness is a simple perspective of what bitterness really looks like. It is as though you have decided to drink a bottle of poison, expecting the person you feel the bitterness towards to die. You are the only one who is suffering.

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Bitterness can also be a real problem to your health. It not only steals your joy, but it can also make you physically sick. Quoting one doctor who said of one of his patients, “He could be a well man if he got the hate out of his heart.” Bitterness is an imprisonment addiction of the soul. It is a deadly root that devours and destroys not only our health, but our happiness, and our personal relationships. It’s similar to killing yourself through a slow death.

You can’t undo the past but you can make a difference on how you feel today. Forgiveness is the key to not allowing bitterness to take hold of your daily life and steal the joy out of it. The ego wants us to think that if we hold onto bitterness, anger, hate or blame; that somehow that intense emotion makes you more powerful and you will not feel so much like a victim. The exact opposite is what it creates.

I had a shaman friend that used to visually get that point across when we feel that someone or something just threw up on us with how they treated us or how we allowed them to treat us. He would ask the question very simply; “OK, they threw up their hate, anger and nastiness all over you, now you want to hang onto the green pieces and look at them everyday so you don’t forget?” Pretty gross visual but very effective.

I know the word forgiveness is a word that conjures up all kinds of defense mechanisms but in truth, it is the only way YOU will move on with joy and the freedom to have compassion for the clueless person who may have caused you the anger and hurt. Besides, in today’s energy, karma is a bitch and does a swell job of balancing the scales all on its own.

Susan Z’s Verdict

You can be guaranteed that you letting the green pieces go will be joyful for you and someone else will be given the opportunity to throw up on them without any attachment on your part. We think of all the “woulda, shoulda, coulda’s” and the “what if’s” and then we are imprisoned by that one moment. Forgiveness is only for YOU not for the other person. Forgiveness does not come with an instruction manual. We all have to find our personal tools to release ourselves from the bondage of bitterness. Taking everyday as it comes, without us picking up and looking at the other person’s “green pieces” left behind.

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  1. Wow that describes me to s tee right now as I was very hurt & used by a man not long ago. I’ve been wondering how to make him suffer as he did me. You’re right. Why hold onto this bitterness when I can be enjoying each day. After reading what you wrote it really made me think one cannot change the past, but I can change my future and be my happy self again. I was a victim of this man, but no longer feel like that as I have come out on top. I got away from him and now feel like a winner again. Thank you very much as your words really helped me to see the sunshine again!

  2. Cindy,
    I am pleased that what spirit advised me to write gave you that wonderful “aha” moment in seeing how beautiful you are and deserving of so much love and respect. I am sure the future will reflect that back to you when your next love comes into your life.
    Psychic Susan Z

  3. I too have held on to bitterness and slowly letting it go, I still have some in my heart to where I’m afraid to let anyone get close to me or my heart. I feel that I just want to do me and live my life the way I want and to find peace. So reading stories like this one would probably do me a lot of good to release the bitterness that I have not towards others but not letting anyone get close.