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How Projection Destroys Relationships

projection destroys relationships

How Projection Destroys Relationships

‘Projection’: You may have heard the word used before in situations where tensions are running high and blame is being thrown about freely. But how does projection really work and what is it? Any time you place the blame for something squarely on your partner without taking into account how you are reacting to the situation, you’re projecting. Projection is a clever mechanism your subconscious mind uses that makes your partner solely responsible for the pain, fear or anger of your old wounds.

Projection is a trigger point when a partner lets you down, makes you angry, lies to you, cheats on you or basically just doesn’t do what you expected of them. Certain emotional events will trigger a far deeper pain in you from the past and you react from that old place of hurt and disappointment. For example: if you had a parent or parents disappear from your life when you were very young, regardless of the circumstances to why, and your partner ‘disappears’ and does not tell you where he is, doesn’t answer your texts or phone calls immediately, you will feel the sense of abandonment with the same intensity as when you were a child. Thus, making your reaction to the situation completely unreasonable and a small things can become a huge issue because of those triggers.

The thing about projection is that on the surface it looks like your partner is truly responsible for your upset. But he or she is merely the trigger that brings up all the emotional responses of childhood unresolved fears. Situations like lying about staying at work late when he really went for a drink, a wife who is an impulsive buyer or you feel invisibles by your partner. When these issues come up and you believe that your partner has done something terrible to you and will keep doing it.

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The “wrong thing” takes up a lot of your thoughts and you spend an excessive amount of time in your heard thinking about the issue, possibly falling down the rabbit hole of unreasonable accusations and blame. Think about it often enough, talk about it often enough and you have a case where you have worked yourself into a frenzy over something small that could be over looked or talked through like adults.

Instead, you zero in on that issue and will blame your partner because of how YOU feel, falling into the category of projecting blame for how you feel. Some of those statements that follow the blame game is: How could you do that? What were you thinking? It is an overwhelming need that you make sure your partner realizes how much they have upset you. You want an immediate resolution and you want it fixed right now.
Or you might take the passive-aggressive approach. You withhold attention and affection – even if your partner does try to apologize and make it up to you.

What’s really happening in projection. Whenever you feel seriously wronged or have a sense of righteousness and indignation about an issue, you’re likely projecting. Whenever you feel the immediate urgent need to resolve a problem with your partner, you’re likely projecting as well. When you are stuck in projection, you are responding form the automatic imprint of your younger, wounded self. It becomes a life or death mode if it is not addressed immediately. As long as you stay stuck in projection, you stay stuck in pain.

When you haven’t cleared up the source of your own projections, you tend to attract other people who bring along their own baggage of projections, resulting in a recipe for ongoing misery. Projections turn relationships into entanglements, not relationships, being in a constant power struggle rather than a harmonious partnership. On the outside, entanglements look like real relationships but entanglements are loaded with discord. You might not feel that your partner really “gets” you or listens to you and your abandonment fears cause you to project them onto your partner.

Susan Z’s Verdict

If you find that you are constantly making a big deal about something small that your partner is saying or doing, take a look within and ask yourself why this affects you so much. You will usually be able identify similar situations growing up that caused your inner child to react as though it is happening again to you. Listen to affirmation tracks that address those fears, talk to a counselor but most important, it is for you to start recognizing your behavior pattern when they touch upon your insecurities and learn the tools to keep them in check..

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1 Comment

  1. I really enjoy reading this insight on projection,My name is Priscilla and I am 64 years old I have believed in astrology and spiritual reading all my life Thank you for the insight I truly loved it made me so very aware of some things !!!!