How to Know if it’s Love, Infatuation or Lust

Is It Love, Infatuation Or Lust?

It is the mystery question of every love relationship. I personally believe that a strong love relationship goes through all three stages and continues going back and forth between the three of them. The biggest problem is when you are in the limerence stage (he is so perfect!), it’s hard to distinguish between the three. In short simple phrases, it’s broken down to this.

1. Love is the desire for a deep soul and heart connection.
2. Infatuation is an intense but short-lived passion for someone’s great qualities.
3. Lust is the constant desire for their physical body and after, nothing to in common.

Here are some guidelines to follow when trying to decide on what level of emotions you have invested in a relationship. Keeping in mind, those feelings ebb and flow as the relationship grows. If you can hang onto all three, you have the makings of a long-lasting commitment. This is what love is supposed to look and feel like.

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1. Examine whether you are treated as an object of someone’s interest as a person or a thing. (arm candy) Love will have you caring for this person, even knowing his or her faults. You can tell this person anything about yourself, even if the truth doesn’t flatter you and you know that your partner will accept you. If you are the one always giving and getting very little in return, you might consider asking yourself are your best interests being taken to heart. Sometimes a distorted definition of love makes you blind to receiving it.
2. How secure do you feel around this person? Do you feel that your partner would stand by you no matter what, and you are prepared to do the same for your partner for the rest of your life?
3. How long you’ve been in the relationship? Do you feel that you have known the person for a long time and you can’t imagine life without him or her? You want to know everything about the person and want to spend time getting to know them on a deeper level.
4. If your partner is the first person that you think about when you want to share your innermost thoughts, then it may be love. If they react with boredom when you tell them how your day went, it might just be infatuation.
5. Look closely at how you both handle conflict. No argument can erase your commitment to one another, and you appreciate your partner speaking the truth even when it’s painful. Even if you don’t agree with your partner, you will always take their side and defend them in front of your family and friends. That’s love.
6. How strongly do both of you feel about the relationship moving forward. You BOTH must feel comfortable with the idea and there is a strong bond of trust. It should feel like a marriage or moving in together with your partner, feels completely natural because life is better with them.
7. You SEE people in love! On the street, at work, on TV, JUST EVERYWHERE! You notice people holding hands, sharing loving gestures and kisses more than you used to. This is a sign that you are focusing on love, so you are seeing more of it.
8. When we start with lust, which most relationships do, you drop everything on a dime to be with them…. even your favorite things!
9. You find that both of you are making comments planning a future together. You are no longer living day to day in the relationship, you have started looking at what long term would feel like.
10. This is the BIGGY! You actually want them to meet your overprotective dad and your “no man will ever be good enough for my daughter” parents!
11. You have a ridiculous smile on your face all the time. Especially when thinking about them.
12. You only have eyes for them. You have spent years looking for that perfect mate, always comparing, taking notes, or noticing better opportunities. But when it’s love, our eyes stop wandering and we become all about the person we are with. So much so that it becomes hard to imagine ourselves with anyone else.
13. You finally get those sappy love songs and want to hear more of them. Especially the ones who remind you of your love.
14. Being in love with someone has a certain smell that goes along with it. You find that you love the way your partner smells, even without cologne! No kidding!
15. You don’t feel any urgency in the relationship. It feels natural and has its own easy progressive flow to it.

Susan Z

Susan Z Rich is an emotional addiction counselor, spiritual intuitive and holistic therapist. She counsels others to see life in a more positive way and teaches personal accountability for life choices. She is also the author of several children’s books and Soul Windows…Secrets From The Divine.