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How to Recognize Fear of Commitment

fear of commitment

What Fear Of Commitment Looks Like

Any psychic advisor who has been doing readings long enough or a counselor with their clients know the big question on love and romance is “why didn’t it work out”? You have been told the excuses of “I’m not ready for a commitment right now, they haven’t gotten over their last love or you just get ghosted and never even have the chance to second guess why they are no longer in your life.

To define the fear of commitment isn’t about the fear of entering into a long-term relationship, it is the fear of getting married and being only with that one person the rest of their life. Most people aren’t really afraid of long term relationships, it’s marriage that petrifies them! There’s something about holy matrimony and “till death do us part” that makes them question the longevity of any relationship.

Fear of commitment stems from so many people not having role models when they were growing up of a loving relationship between their parents, so they don’t know what it looks like. Loving and committing to another person is a spiritual process whether it involves a wedding or any other type of commitment. Often when we enter into a relationship, we allow our emotions to project forward something that is illusory and when the day to day reality creeps into it, with no role models that taught us what a true commitment looks like, we define it as something not good or worth keeping and we then let the fear take over.

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So how do you identify someone with a fear of commitment? It has always been labeled a guy thing but it is not, it can also be a character trait with women. I have a female friend who has been engaged five times, all to great guys and then a few months before the wedding, she starts finding reasons why he is NOT the right guy for her and moves on to the next. Doing a little research, listed below are some red flags to look for highlighted by the relationship experts.

  1. Does the person you are with get squirmy when the subject comes up of long term plans with just one person, you?
  2. When they speak of the endings of past relationships, is there always ‘THAT’ pushing for commitment reason that made them uncomfortable about the other person?
  3. Do you find that after being intimate with them a few times, you can actually feel a lack of interest starting. Regardless of how creative you are, they seem to get more and more distant with each encounter.
  4. They talk about future plans in the “I” energy without leaving any room for someone that might tie them down. It just never occurs to them it can be done with a partner.
  5. You hear comments like; “the institution of marriage is overrated and they have never known a happily married person” and then ask you if you have?
  6. They have a five-year plan or even a ten-year plan of how they see their life mapped out and once again when they speak of those plans, the main energy of the conversation is “I”, without once possibly hinting that it could change if the right person came along?
  7. When speaking of past relationships, you only hear the bad memories. A past of cheating exes and heartbreaks can leave someone paranoid about long term relationships and promises of commitment. If they have no good memories at all to speak of, you can be guaranteed they are not interested in taking a chance on making new ones.
  8. At first, lovers cling to each other and want to be literally together every second of every day. But as time goes by, both lovers start to drift. When you hit that drifting time, they start making it clear about how their “personal space” is very important to them. Subtle but very clear messages about how they feel about long-term commitments.
  9. They speak a lot about the uncertainty of being with the “right” person or “soul mate” for the rest of their lives and speak of it as though they are unsure they have the ability to know if they have chosen the right one.

(READ: When Friends And Family Don’t Like Your Romantic Partner)

Susan Z’s Verdict

Even if we had handbooks of what to beware of so you will not get disappointed and have the seemingly perfect guy, it still happens. The first rule is always to go within and ask yourself if you saw the red flags and ignored them or as with all of us at least once, it happened anyway and blindsided us. You can only make choices on being selective to whom you give your heart to and then let the universe do its thing. If you wrote a strong commitment into your soul journey, then he will show up regardless and you will both work on those fears together.

Considering getting a psychic reading? We have carefully screened and selected a range of gifted, compassionate psychic readers to provide clarity and new insights into your life. Online psychics available 24/7.

Get A Psychic Reading


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1 Comment

  1. That was so deep, alot of the descriptions where things i personally do! Freakey i loved it