How Would You Evaluate Your Relationship?

How Would You Evaluate Your Relationship?

Regardless of how long you have been with your partner, in a dating relationship or marriage, those wonderful qualities you share with them is the reason you fell in love with them and with them. Then of course, the other side of the coin is where it seems as though your fingernails are scraping down the blackboard and everything in between when you are together.

Always at some point, whether it be forced upon you or just aren’t so very sure any more about you two being the perfect match, you start measuring what you really have, how you really feel and what the future with this partner is really going to look like. We call our favorite psychic, friends and counselors for advice on what the odds will be of your relationship making it to that cliché picture of two little old people holding hands and walking into the sunset together. Leaving behind children and grandchildren to carry on the love you had for each other. But no one really knows what the end game will look like in a relationship. In a blink of an eye, what you thought you would have forever suddenly dissolved right in front of you. Whether that be a mutual decision, a forced choice or by the hand of the universe through passing. There is just no sure bet on how the ending will be with two people who are madly in love, care deeply for one another or are just so comfortable with each other, they couldn’t imagine being with anyone else.

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Regardless of how long partners have been together, there comes a time when you actually feel it is necessary to take inventory of what you really have. If you can honestly answer some of the questions counselors have come up with to evaluate whether a relationship is worth working on or not. If you have a lot of “oh that’s not so good”, certainly doesn’t mean that you go right out the next day and look for a divorce attorney and a new place to live but it may indicate that some work and communication needs to be done. It may also show you that you got really lucky and got a good one. Or maybe you should start thinking you deserve a hell of a lot better than what you have. Either way, the questions posed will make you think, feel and possibly take a fresh look at a relationship that you may have been over-looking

1. Do you play well together? Meaning; do you still have the capability of thoroughly enjoying one another’s company without the talk of kids, mortgages, in-laws or still re-hashing the mess-ups each of you have done here and there?
2. Do you see the same future together? Getting older means it will just BE only you and your partner. Does he want a log cabin to go fishing everyday and you want a flowered beach house? You want to be closer to your grandchildren and he doesn’t want them too close for them to be a responsibility.
3. Do you really trust each other with one another’s future? If the trust has been broken at some point of time, have you mended it enough to make new plans together? Can you share your fears with your partner without distressing if they will one day use them against you? Remembering, that trust is the true core to every relationship that withstands the test of time and boredom.
4. How are both your listening skills? Do you really hear your partner and does he really hear you or are you just waiting for the lull in speaking so you get to say what you want?
5. Can you verbally communicate on subjects that push your buttons? Continual arguments in relationships create escalating stress for both partners. They are usually only resolved when one partner gives in to another, creating resentment and the feeling of defeat. Do you both have the ability to “agree to disagree”? Do you have a partner that talks AND listens?
6. Nurturing. If you both feel like each other are there when the other needs to be nurtured, you have what is known as “symbolically parenting” in a good way. If you feel no comfort when you could use a hug or YOU are the one constantly making the boo-boo go away for your partner, that is not nurturing but caretaking. Eventually, you get tired of living with a man/woman child.

Susan Z

Susan Z Rich is an emotional addiction counselor, spiritual intuitive and holistic therapist. She counsels others to see life in a more positive way and teaches personal accountability for life choices. She is also the author of several children’s books and Soul Windows…Secrets From The Divine.