How You Know You Are With The Right Partner
When we first fall in love and plans are being made to be a couple, there is usually no doubt in your mind that you have found the “right one” for you. When we are in limerence, (euphorically blinded by new love) we can see no wrong in our new partner. Even if there are a “few” things that you might question, you have the naïve attitude they will change those irritating habits for you.
There are certain signs that can show you are on the right path. It’s just important for us to remember that we are all human beings capable of error and changing our minds. In order to get there, we have to come out of our “comfort zone” and be completely willing to allow someone to love us and you love them, flaws and all. Here are a few guidelines from the professionals, that will help you decide whether you have the real deal or something that might just tell you it could fall apart further down the road.
- You can let your guard down. The most difficult thing to do in a relationship is to be real. The walls of defense are there for a reason, to protect us. But when you meet the right person you realize that anything you don’t put your whole heart in will definitely fail. There aren’t any guarantees in life but if that someone would care enough for you to risk their whole heart, and that you would do the same, it is a good sign you are with the right person.
- You’re okay with arguing and disagreeing. You know that you won’t agree on every single thing, and arguments typically lead you to a deeper understanding of each other. Because the goal of talking through disagreements is understanding each other, you seem to get to the point with this person of feeling more and resolved.
- You are both aware that neither of you is perfect. Being in the wrong doesn’t cause you to resent your partner for pointing out your mistakes. You can acknowledge where you messed up and use it as an opportunity to grow.
- Your imperfections are part of who you are. They know what your lacks are and love you for it rather than in spite of it. This person would never think of belittling you or be condescending and they still uphold you to the highest regard, even with your imperfections.
- They actually hear you! The major reason that issues in relationships never get resolved is due to a third person. The Ego. When the ego gets involved, being right is the only thing that counts. Someone who can listen to you, process what you are saying, believe in what you are saying, doesn’t talk over you or make assumptions on what you want, will ask for clarity and listen when you give it.
- You are weirdly impressed by them. Every time you learn something new about them it feels like watching the discovery channel. You never get enough of learning about them, and they feel the same about you.
- They somehow always make you feel calm. Their presence in your life serves as a reminder there are good things left in this world. Like, really, really good things. Whether it is when you are looking at them across a candle lit dinner or breathing in their fresh after shower scent, there is a simple satisfaction in knowing this is YOUR person.
- They know weird things about you that you sometimes wish they didn’t; like chipotle gives you gas. They might even be able to distinguish your farts in a crowd. Just a little embarrassing! They make you happy without asking, find you the perfect pick-me-up when you need it, make you smile when you’d rather be upset.
- You somehow can always forgive them. As much as you’d like to give them the cold shoulder, or let the anger linger, you just can’t. The simplest look from them makes you forget the whole thing and easy to move on from the issue without resentment. They also know what your deal breakers are and they don’t violate those.
- Love is irrational. It’s meeting someone, bonding and then seeing if you can hold onto each for the rest of your life. Regardless of the little things you could focus on to make you want to give up, you chose love. You don’t have to assess your compatibility or weigh the pros and cons, you chose love with this person.
Susan Z’s Verdict
Love is wonderful when you are with a good match. If you always feel comfortable with this person, even when you don’t, you have good odds that you have chosen someone with lasting potential. Bravo!
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Susan Z Rich is an emotional addiction counselor, spiritual intuitive and holistic therapist. She counsels others to see life in a more positive way and teaches personal accountability for life choices. She is also the author of several children’s books and Soul Windows…Secrets From The Divine. (life cycles) Learn more at her website: www.szrwhitewings.com