How to Know When You’re With a Chronic Flirt
First things first, if you think about how your relationship started; it started with flirting with each other. After you become involved, flirting is easily identified. Healthy flirting is not bad. There are some that being flirtatious is just part of their personality and either you can live with it or you can’t. For example, during relationship initiation, research has shown that flirting is a highly motivated behavior. In other words, people flirt in order to achieve or accomplish a specific goal.
Before a relationship has started, these goals typically include to engage in sex, bottom line. Then we set up dating or marriage rules we all follow that are designed and created by the partners involved. If you are with someone whose flirting bothers you to the point you are fighting about it, here is what the experts have to say about being with a chronic flirter or being a chronic flirter. It’s all about boundaries and rules that should be set somewhere at the beginning of any relationship, even on the first date if it is so obvious and disrespectful.
To help set your boundaries, there are different grades of flirting. Dating experts say “The lower grade may just be fluttering of eyelashes, lengthy eye contact or just lots of smiles. The next level is touching, lowering your voice when you speak and any sexual innuendo.” It is the second level that brings up a lot of emotion in a partner, whether you are watching your partner flirt or you are the one out their flirting while your partner has to watch it. Here are some reasons why people are chronic flirts and a few guidelines that relationship experts say are good to follow when you are with a chronic flirt.
The reasons why people flirt:
- To build a relationship and increase intimacy.
- To explore someone’s potential romantic interest.
- To increase one’s own self-esteem. (this one is a biggy!)
- It’s fun.
- To manipulate for personal gain. (make you jealous or a payback)
Before deciding what your comfort level is with flirting, ask yourselves these questions:
Do you trust each other? If not, you’re going to need a stricter set of rules that avoid situations where flirting could lead to cheating.
What behavior by your partner would feel like a betrayal? For one partner, it might be dancing with another person; for another, it might be dancing with only one specific person for a length of time; and for some, having sex is the place where the level of concern starts. It’s crucial to know where you want your partner to draw the line.
What behavior will cause you embarrassment? We all care about what others think whether we admit it or not on some level. Be sure to have in place what grade of flirting would make you feel disregarded or disrespected in others eyes. Looks of pity is not a relationship goal level.
Are your demands reasonable? If you are chronically jealous of every man, woman or child that comes within touching distance of your partner, then I would say it’s all on you, sweetie. Time to look within to ask the question why you do not think you have what it takes to feel confident your man is going home with you regardless because “YOU ARE ALL THAT!’
Now you are in a relationship and you didn’t notice that your new partner has a habit of flirting with everyone. A lot. Doubt creeps in and makes you wonder if all that flirting is a sign that your new romance is not as solid as you thought. Here are some suggestions to address your discomfort and discover whether this issue is your partner’s or yours.
Talk it over. Resentment over flirting festers like a wound. If not addressed and an understanding is made between the two of you, it will become a thorn in your relationship and sooner or later start chiseling away at your self-esteem.
Ask your partner why he/she flirts constantly. Psychologists point out that not all flirting is about the search for sex or new relationships. For some it masks a sense of insecurity, or is simply playful, never intended to go past the moment. Define what your partner’s motive are.
Consider why it bothers you so much. It’s possible that what you call flirting is really just normal, harmless social interaction. Take a hard look at how you are feeling about yourself and possibly showing signs of unreasonable possessiveness.
Flirting is hardwired into our DNA, no kidding! Flirting is a part of human nature that was put there by the Divine who created us to keep up procreating. Making an attempt to eradicate it entirely in a serious relationship, is unrealistic, and maybe even impossible. Don’t make it the “forbidden fruit.”
Get the bigger picture. If the person you are dating has a habit of flirting, resist the temptation to let it become the sole piece of evidence upon which you judge the relationship. If the other 95% is fabulous, learn to be ok with it at YOUR comfort level.
Get flirty yourself. Not meaning, go out there and get all flirty with others to make your partner jealous, that never ends well. Practice flirting with your partner when you are out socially, you were flirting when you were first together, up your game!
Stay in your comfort zone. If you’ve done all the above and your gut still tells you something isn’t right, then do what you must to hold onto your boundaries of worthiness. Insist on better treatment or plan your exit.
Psychic Susan Z’s Reading
Chronic flirters come in all different levels of flirt. The playful, harmless (“No worries, I’m going home with you babe!”) is probably what attracted you to them in the first place. If you are in a good place about yourself, it’s liking swatting flies off your ego, meah! If you are having insecurities, first of all you can’t change a chronic flirter and second if you show signs it bothers you, you have just given your power away.
Susan Z Rich is an emotional addiction counselor, spiritual intuitive and holistic therapist. She counsels others to see life in a more positive way and teaches personal accountability for life choices. She is also the author of several children’s books and Soul Windows…Secrets From The Divine. (life cycles) Learn more at her website: www.szrwhitewings.com