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Knowing When It’s Time To Walk Away Or Stay

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Knowing When It’s Time To Walk Away Or Stay

All counselors and psychic advisors get asked this question more times than we can count, whether they should stay in a relationship or walk away? Regardless of how long you have been in a relationship, each one has its own personal story. Long term relationships have years of history, usually children and family obligations. New relationships still carry all the hopes and desires of creating a long-term commitment.

I decided to write this article from both perspectives. Staying is always preferable if possible, as exiting leaves one with a sense of failure. Whether his or yours, it’s still there. We take ourselves with us when we leave, so leaving without healing the fears and beliefs that got us into the relationship will likely result in another relationship failure.

In all general relationship observations, there are always exceptions to the rules. Most of the reasons given why one stays in a relationship that is no longer working, is they cannot see a way out. That is not a reason, you have talked yourself into believing, “this is better than nothing,” fear of being alone or you truly believe there IS no way out and you make it so.

The partner that is working to keep the relationship going, hides behind the belief that what they bring to the relationship does not have as much value as their partner, so they must do the changing. Once you transform that belief and know that you bring this amazing woman/man into the commitment, the dynamics change.

I am first going to list the reasons to stay in a troubled relationship if you still have the energy, love and desire. It will take work and dedication and there are no guarantees but you will not have any regrets later.

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  1. The passion is still there. Whether in sex or just getting excited about the new couch you are getting, if you both can still get passionate about the same thing at the same time, there is hope.
  2. You still respect each other’s differences. The “agree to disagree’ still holds strong for both of you.
  3. You keep your struggles private and never make a public show of disrespect or dislike for each other.
  4. You are still honest with each other, regardless of how painful or angry it makes you.
  5. You BOTH are willing to talk to a third party to see if the relationship is worth saving.
  6. You still talk to each other first about something that is bothering you before friends or family.
  7. You feel the responsibilities of the relationship is equally balanced.
  8. You still do small acts of kindness and love for each other.
  9. You continue to have REAL date nights with each other.
  10. The relationship has zero verbal, physical, emotional and mental abuse, including put-downs and degrading comments.

On the other end of the scale, if you are living with any of these relationship conditions, it’s time to pack.

  1. If there is any sort of mental or emotional abuse on an ongoing basis that makes you constantly feel bad about yourself. If there is ANY physical abuse, there is no excuse to stay in that kind of terrifying environment, especially with children.
  2. Any form of child abuse on any level.
  3. You can’t remember the last time you had sex, when he put his arms around you, kissed you or was affectionate.
  4. Substance addictions that are repeatedly out of control.
  5. There has been more than one affair. I realize that even one affair can destroy a relationship but it is possible to build a shattered foundation from one mistake into a stronger one with counseling.
  6. The fighting never seems to stop. It’s not just over big issues anymore, it’s fighting over everything. You can’t remember the last time you said a civil word to each other.
  7. You keep secrets from each other. You hide things from your partner and you find out he is also not sharing the whole truth.
  8. The fear of total commitment permeates the relationship. You never really know where the future between the two of you is going and he is an evasive escape artist when it comes to talking about it.
  9. Being taken advantage of financially. Excessive borrowing, gambling addiction, refusing to find work, putting you into debt or controlling you with money.
  10. You rarely spend any time together and literally have completely separate lives. The only space you now share is living quarters.

(READ: Being Comfortable Alone)

Susan Z’s Verdict

There is no easy off and on switch of your emotions that can give you that quick answer whether to stay or go, but what is authentic is how you feel about yourself in the relationship. That is the best meter you have evaluating the commitment you are in, regardless of the outcome.


Considering getting a psychic reading? We have carefully screened and selected a range of gifted, compassionate psychic readers to provide clarity and new insights into your life. Online psychics available 24/7.

Get A Psychic Reading

 

Susan Z Rich is an emotional addiction counselor, spiritual intuitive and holistic therapist. She counsels others to see life in a more positive way and teaches personal accountability for life choices. She is also the author of several children’s books and Soul Windows…Secrets From The Divine. (life cycles) Learn more at her website: www.szrwhitewings.com

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