Letting Go Of Relationship Abandonment Fear

Letting Go Of Relationship Abandonment Fears

Abandonment issues in a relationship or life in general can affect how you deal with everything. It is rooted in the lack of emotional and physical support when we are children and creates a fearful hole of loneliness that can create addictions, co-dependency, anxiety and depression. Anyone who has ever suffered from abandonment issues (and most of us have them in some form or another) usually have two choices…fall into that non-existent black hole of fear and worry or consciously work on the reality that we are self-contained and no one or nothing will fill that hole within you but you.

Relationships, friends, co-workers, jobs, family come and go in our life. Nothing is permanent, regardless of how your ego and inner child try to convince you that you can hold onto something forever if you only do this or try to control the outcome. The ego uses abandonment to prey on your fear of aloneness and that you are not enough! We all need human contact in life but when you have the debilitating belief that your own company is not enough, you will seek out anything to make that fear go away.

Abandonment is a fear not a reality. Abandonment is a spiritual issue along with the psychological and emotional effects it has on your relationships. You are NEVER really alone doing life. It is that goal you want to reach and embrace to let go of those feelings and projections into the future the fear of being unwanted and unloved.

It takes a conscious effort and a lot of hard work to address the issue to keep it under control until it becomes manageable or if lucky enough, do just the right thing and it will mostly will go away. Below are listed a few helpful tips.

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1. Admit you have a fear of being abandoned. Understanding that you have a problem is the first step to addressing those fears of a cheating partner, jealousy among friendships or assuming that eventually everyone leaves you.
2. Don’t feel bad about yourself for struggling with abandonment. You are not alone in the struggle. Having these feelings does not mean something is wrong with you or that you are weak. You aren’t unlucky and you certainly didn’t do something in the universe that you are being punished for. Abandonment is just something in your life and you can learn to handle it.
3. Address your abandonment as another opportunity for self-improvement. Abandonment can cause us to feel helpless. However, by learning how to handle abandonment you can equip yourself with powerful tools of self-reliance, empowerment, patience and personal accountability.
4. Try not to overreact, panic or get angry when those fears of abandonment hit you. Learn to count to 100, take deep breaths and give yourself some space to reason out why your abandonment issues have come up. Give yourself 20-30 minutes to relax and calm down.
5. Have realistic expectations when things do not go the way you expected them to. When your partner doesn’t answer your text, your friend doesn’t return your calls, try not to over-react and go to the worse case scenario first. There is usually a good reason why and it is mostly about that they have a life they have to function in too, that does not revolve around you.
6. Be accountable for your own life. When dealing with fears of abandonment, we place all the focus on what someone else does and a strong need to control their actions and behaviors. If our loved ones don’t behave in the way we expect, we feel abandoned and miserable as a result. When you let other people be accountable for your life, you will feel disappointed constantly. Take personal responsibility for your own life and don’t always look to your loved ones for reassurance.
7. First and foremost, take care of you. When you struggle with a fear of abandonment you’ll find yourself needing the love of another person to make it go away and you will start to sacrifice yourself so you can gain the attention and time of your partner. If he doesn’t call when he says he will, find something to do just for you that will make you happy. Visit a friend, go to the movies, exercise, eat a piece of chocolate cake or take a walk in nature. Don’t allow that fearful abandonment moment to cause you to call and bitch or become a stalker. It is imperative that you find a way to build your own emotional security as a failsafe.

(READ: Release the Past Through Forgiveness)

Susan Z

Susan Z Rich is an emotional addiction counselor, spiritual intuitive and holistic therapist. She counsels others to see life in a more positive way and teaches personal accountability for life choices. She is also the author of several children’s books and Soul Windows…Secrets From The Divine.