Letting Go Of Unrealistic Dating Expectations
Most relationship and love readings revolve around brand new or a fairly new partnering that show promise or has already gone south and wanting to know why it didn’t work out. The majority of the time, the issues revolve around a new dating relationship is with unrealistic expectations of what it will look like, where it is going or what the future outcome will be.
After doing some research on dating rules from relationship experts, several advising observations were pointed out on what behavior should be maintained and how to emotionally approach a new dating situation. Before you start a relationship, it is helpful to know what you expect once you’re in one. In fact, many relationships end because one or both individuals didn’t get their expectations met because they were not verbalized.
What happens when you have expectations that don’t get met? You get unhappy and think about ending the relationship or start acting weird about it and break into an insecure and needy mode. Neither of which is a happy ending and possibly could have been avoided if putting these few suggestions into play.
“I will always be happy once I am officially in a relationship.”
Romantic relationships should not be the bottom line in order for you feel happy and complete! Relationships are wonderful, if they are in good energy but to expect that a relationship is the end all to be all for your happiness sets you up for some fierce disappointment. If you are waiting for Mr. Right to come and then your life will be perfect, get rid of it! Your life should have many other avenues of personal happiness going on. You attract what you are and if believe you are miserable without a relationship, then misery will come with the new one. It is totally understandable to want to believe that finding a relationship will provide you with whatever you’ve been missing, but the truth is that a good relationship adds to but does not complete your life.
“My new partner will want to spend all of their time off from work with me.”
Are you out of your mind? Although the idea of living a we-do-everything-together life may sound appealing to some, having this expectation usually leads to frustration later. If you start a relationship with someone who happens to be codependent, that individual may want to spend every available waking moment with you. But even with that kind of closeness, your new dating partner will come into your life with their own family and friends and they may like to socialize with them sometimes on their own.
“Once we’re officially a couple, my new partner will only flirt with me.”
Everyone flirts, whether they are a couple or single. It is the KIND of flirting and the frequency that makes it an issue. Do you expect flirting to end altogether once the two of you are in a relationship? Set up some rules about flirting so that the issue isn’t something that becomes a problem over time. Tell your partner that you don’t want them to flirt with anyone in front of you, but also say that you aren’t going to try to control what they do when you’re not there. (The truth? Many men and women will flirt when you’re not there anyhow.)
“I am now going to get the physical affection I have been missing.”
When a relationship is new, sex and physical affection is at the top of the list but the reality of sex is, that regardless of how “hot” you are for each other, eventually it will cool off. There are two levels of physical affection; sexual level and the affection level. In terms of sex, you will only have a very sexual relationship if the person you are with is very sexual, too. Most people do not have that kind of over the top libido. If sexual affection is your priority, you need to make sure that this is also a priority for your partner.
Susan Z’s Verdict
Unrealistic expectations of any kind is a certain death toll to relationships. When you start dating someone, give yourself a moment to ask yourself what expectations you have from this new person in your life. For example: What do I expect from my new partner in terms of social behavior, sexual intimacy, personal space, respect, personal communication, etc. Then ask yourself how are you going to feel and do if these needs aren’t met? As hard as it may be to be forthright with someone new in your life about your own needs, you must at some point tell your new partner what you are specifically needing and looking for from the relationship. Honestly is what works to sort out a keeper or a temporary fling.
Susan Z Rich is an emotional addiction counselor, spiritual intuitive and holistic therapist. She counsels others to see life in a more positive way and teaches personal accountability for life choices. She is also the author of several children’s books and Soul Windows…Secrets From The Divine.