Recognizing Relationship Compatibility Signs
Relationship compatibility is one of those mysterious states of being that is almost impossible to understand, yet alone explain. There are of course the old sayings in relationships that “opposites attract” and “like attracts like.” Those statements are actually both very true in why one person is attracted to another, with both of them coming into play. The trick is to be able to sort out bad attraction which is going to wind up in heartache and the good attraction that has an excellent chance of ending in happiness for both involved.
It turns out even if your key “must-haves” and “can’t-stands” can line up quite well, you could still rub each other the wrong way. It’s important to remind yourself alignment will never be perfect and the success of the relationship ultimately depends on how you handle the differences. It’s about your temperament, disposition, and attitude. Where those qualities are concerned, relationship compatibility is not something you have, it’s something you make together.
Rule of thumb is some diversity in a relationship can make it stronger and more resilient, too much will add up to incompatibility. Knowing where to draw the line is a task best approached with patience and love. There are tons of quizzes you can take to see if you are compatible with a potential partner or your present one but taking into account these general core categories listed below, they will at least give you a foundation to see if your shared values are the same. The rest is up to you to actually be honest with yourself about the results of that examination of your partner and you as lifetime potentials.
This encompasses a big arena but is probably one of the most important. It can involve anything from eating habits, hygiene, attitudes about substance use or whether you are into sports or not. The list can be long and wide but if your idea of a perfect weekend is snuggling up on the couch with popcorn with a good movie and your partner wants to hit every rock club in the city, this gap is NEVER going to close. If you can balance it out and take turns or do your thing individually, it is not insurmountable but definitely a deal breaker if one will not be willing to at least try something new. If the difference is something that grosses you out, you will never get comfortable with it no matter what it is.
Money management is arguably one of the most important levels of relationship compatibility that you must agree on. Why? Because, in one way or another, it touches practically everything you do together as a couple. It involves whether joint bank accounts are going to work, credit scores, buying a home, taking vacations or what school you can afford to send your children to. It’s important to get a basic understanding of your potential partners financial picture and outlook within the first few weeks. If he/she asks you for money to help pay their rent, that might be a big red flag for the future outlook of your shared financial stability.
Politics and religion
In a romantic relationship, some issues are likely to produce divisions too wide to be able to bridge the differences. Be honest from the beginning about your potentially polarizing beliefs. If one’s beliefs are far right and the other far left, it will always be a wedge between you in both arenas.
Family and children
Long before your first child arrives, make sure you agree on the key parenting values and goals you want for your offspring. Children don’t raise themselves, so strong differences can cause havoc in the relationship and also with the children.
You should be able to think and discuss with each other on the same level of education and reasoning. If one partner feels consistently outsmarted and outgunned in conversation due to less education or mental abilities, a bonding partnership will never likely happen or last.
Yes, it does matter that you both want and enjoy the same things in bed. Feeling pressured to deliver an experience you find distasteful cannot sustain a relationship for long. The same goes for if you find that your own desires consistently go unmet. If the sex is “meah” it will only get more boring or if on the other end it is, “you certainly don’t expect me to do that!?”, it will only get more uncomfortable.
Susan Z’s Verdict
I have made this statement many times. We can’t always choose who we fall in love with but we definitely have the choice whether to stay in that relationship. If you have the majority of the checklist going strong for you, it is always possible with work, caring and compassion on both partners to make it work. Nothing is a sure thing or more mysterious when it comes to love. That’s why it’s so magical when you see it work!
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Susan Z Rich is an emotional addiction counselor, spiritual intuitive and holistic therapist. She counsels others to see life in a more positive way and teaches personal accountability for life choices. She is also the author of several children’s books and Soul Windows…Secrets From The Divine.