Should You Go Back to an Ex?
You two broke up. You have moved on. You may even have started to date again and it’s likely that you are now spending more time with friends and loved ones. Depending on the level of heartbreak and collateral damage, there may be an element of regaling everyone with stories of the ex’s monstrous and insidious behavior.
But the good news is you survived. You have gained closure and you’re pretty much back to whatever normal means to you. And now?
You’ve got mail. You Inbox contains a new and rather friendly message from your ex.
By no means is this a competition, but does this feel like something of a victory? You don’t rush to press delete, and you’re not sure if you actually want to delete the message anyway. Your head says get rid of it, It’s over, but surprisingly your heart finds itself smiling. You feel a new level of maturity as you find yourself thinking of the fun times in the days when you actually liked one another. Besides, what was the nonsense arguing about anyway?
The bottom line question is, what does your ex want and is it to get back together?
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When it comes to love, it doesn’t always make sense and It’s not rational. And regardless of gender and sexual orientation, the heart wants what it wants. Whether It’s good for us or not. Any feelings that were diminished have now sprung back to life. Your curiosity has the better of you and since there’s no one on the scene right now…
And so, now that we’ve established the fact that your ex was putting out his / her feelers, and you did in fact reply. You have more questions than answers.
There are many variables to consider when taking back an ex. For a start, who was the dumper / dumpee? Was there cheating and if so who with? Was it an amicable split or sneaky and underhand?
You could make a list ‘for and against’ and discuss it with your friends but you already know which friends would be onside for a getting back together and which friends would not. The seriousness of the past relationship would be a factor. Dating someone for six months as opposed to a long term relationship with kids bring its own considerations.
Consider why the ex wants to reconnect. If past issues have been addressed and you are both single and up for it then why not? However, if either of you are bored, lonely or a current relationship is on the rocks, no one wants to be the consolation prize.
Under no circumstances should anyone consider taking back a serial philanderer, someone with a history of violence, or anyone unable to co-parent healthily.
In your heart you will know if It’s the right thing to do.
We could say that an ex is an ex for a reason. But if there were genuinely good times and you both have an understanding of how and why things didn’t work out first time around then let’s work on innocent until proven guilty. Make it a clear headed and informed decision and do have the backing of your tribe.
Diana-Julie is an international life coach and spiritual counselor. She has worked with numerous people globally in their quest for personal empowerment and manifestation of dreams. A Reiki Master and natural healer, her personal passions of writing and spirituality serve to assist in removing obstacles for those seeking her guidance.