Signs You Are With An Emotionally Mature Man
Any woman will tell you, unless she has been living in a cave for most of her life, that being involved with an emotionally immature guy (AKA man-child) is as frustrating as hell and inevitably you realize that you have just unknowingly volunteered to pick up the raising up process from their mother or lack of one.
What comes along with that emotional immaturity is usually entitlement suggesting that you should just feel blessed that you are with him. They are also the trickiest relationships to figure out if you want to continue or take a chance that your partner or prospective partner will somehow grow up and notice there is more than one person in the relationship.
Emotionally immature men are hard to spot unless you have instant radar for that trait, which most women do not. We love to nurture and are so very attracted to that boyish quality they present.
Trying to build a relationship with an emotionally immature guy is like trying to build a house out of paper. Having a fulfilling, honest, loving long-term relationship is hard enough with two grown-ups but if one partner isn’t capable of really showing up, it is impossible.
When you get involved with an immature guy and try to make things work with him, your life will also get complicated and you’ll start acting immature as well. Immaturity is contagious. If you pick up the red flags and then actually pay attention to them, you will quickly and easily begin to see the signs of emotional maturity (and also the LACK of those signs) so you can make the best possible choice for yourself. A mature partner should be able to “show up” with you.
My question posed is, do you know what an emotionally mature man looks like, acts like and how he is supposed to respond to conflict? If you can’t immediately come up with solid answers, here are some guidelines that may help you wasting a few months or years on a guy, only to realize he wants a mother, not a partner.
How to recognise an emotionally mature man
- He Makes Decisions Easily. When someone is emotionally immature and insecure, they have a terrible time making decisions about life. They vacillate, they stress and just can’t seem to make up their minds. The emotionally mature man has no problems making decisions about life, relationships and commitments without wavering or stressing out. He’s clear about wanting to be with you and he’s clear about what he wants with a woman and in a relationship. He doesn’t go “hot and cold.”
- He Takes Responsibility For His Choices. If you hear a man complaining about his life, blaming others and generally experiencing a lack of control or being unlucky, he’s lacking maturity. The mature man is nobody’s victim. He takes responsibility for his actions. You’ll rarely see him whine or blame others when things go wrong. Instead he works on solutions to make things right.
- He Has Something He Is Totally Passionate About In His Life. This is a sign that they’re more emotionally mature than the guys whose lives revolve solely around themselves. The mature man has a purpose in life other than himself. If you see that a man is committed to a larger purpose, it’s a safe bet that he’s done “the work.”
- He Has Several Close Relationships. The truest sign of how a man will handle a relationship with you is how he relates to others he’s closest to. Look at his relationships with his family and close friends. The mature man is comfortable being truly open with others in his life.
- He Is Capable of Expressing What He Feels And Thinks. A mature man doesn’t stuff his feelings down and not communicate. He may not always say it right away, but he can explain his feelings, his choices, and his likes and dislikes. If he can’t express what he’s thinking and feeling and gets frustrated, irritated or mad at you for wanting to communicate and/or share feelings, then you’re dealing with an emotionally immature man.
Susan Z’s Verdict
Some men as well as women never emotionally grow up, let someone else raise them. If you truly want a mature partner in your life, then it is totally on your choice of how much mothering you are willing to be responsible for. If you are in a relationship where your guy is 90% there for you and the other 10%, he is a 4-year-old, then it might be worth working on. But if you realize that you are doing all the grown-up work and in a relationship by yourself, it may be time for you to redefine what a mature relationship looks like.
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Susan Z Rich is an emotional addiction counselor, spiritual intuitive and holistic therapist. She counsels others to see life in a more positive way and teaches personal accountability for life choices. She is also the author of several children’s books and Soul Windows…Secrets From The Divine. (life cycles) Learn more at her website: www.szrwhitewings.com