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Signs You May Be In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship

abusive relationship

Signs You May Be In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Partners that leave black eyes, have you cowering in fear or you have to call the police is abuse you can identify clearly. But emotional abusive relationships are insidious because they hide in the darkness and feed off of your lack of self-esteem, making you believe that all the mistreatment was brought on by you. It works on the energy of: “If you had not done this or said that, I wouldn’t be acting this way.”

“Unlike physical or sexual abuse, there is a subtlety to emotional abuse,” Lisa Ferentz, a licensed clinical social worker specializing in trauma, told the Huffington Post. “It’s a lot more confusing to the victims, as it typically is couched in behaviors that can initially be perceived as ‘caring.’”

Most emotional abusive relationship definitions start in childhood. You were shown that women were property and could be spoken to in any manner the male chooses to. The relationship starts out as though you are being cared for and looked after (the grooming phase) but then progressively turns into a demeaning ownership. This can also be defined in males with their relationships with their mothers.

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Regardless if you fight back and smack them over the head with a frying pan (which I have to own that one with my redheaded youthful temper) or you quietly take it and then sob behind a closed door, it is still the same energy you are receiving; lack of respect for another human being and as a woman. I lived in that environment for a short period of time and what snapped me out of it was looking at my little girl and realizing that this was going to be her male role model and what she would also end up with. Bags packed and never looked back.

After reading a few professional takes on this kind of abuse, I picked out the most obvious. There is no on and off switch how you handle the realization but there are choices you can make of putting the accountability where it belongs, to the abuser. Freewill then become your personal decision on how you see yourself in the mirror from that point on. Below are a few red flags you might have missed, having gotten used to the behavior and don’t even see it anymore. Having a watcher point it out, it then becomes a situation of “once you see, you cannot unsee.”

  1. You walk on eggshells to avoid disappointing or making your partner angry. If you do, in any form, you are made to feel as though you did it “on purpose.”
  2. Your partner says hurtful and demeaning things about you disguised as “jokes.” Then when you complain, they accuse you of being over sensitive.
  3. Your partner demands to know where you are and who you are with practically every moment of the day with continual check-ins.
  4. They tell you on a regular basis that you do not remember how things actually happened and you are wrong in the way you’re looking at things, when you’re not.
  5. You find yourself apologizing even when you know you’ve done nothing wrong. “Emotionally abused people often come to believe that they are stupid, inconsiderate or selfish because they have been accused of it so often by their partner.” ― Beverly Engel, psychotherapist and author of The Emotionally Abusive Relationship.
  6. If you “behave,” they are loving and playful with you, if you “dis-behave,” you are emotionally left out in the cold. Being ignored or they disappear for hours, maybe days to punish you.
  7. Your partner belittles your accomplishments. They are intended to specifically target your strengths that threaten them. They need to have the power and control in the relationship through demeaning you.
  8. You feel sorry for your partner even though he has hurt you. Victims of emotional abuse often overlook their abusers’ behavior because they are relating with the ‘hurt’ part of the abuser, the innocent part, or the side of the abuser that seems lost, rejected, abandoned.
  9. You can never depend on your partner. They are constantly changing plans at the last minute. This is called ‘stealth control’, letting you know that he drives the car in your relationship, not you.
  10. Cheating. This is another emotional abuse that your partner sends the message of: “I wouldn’t be looking elsewhere if you were only more attentive, skinnier, smarter, sexier, more……fill in the blanks. He cheats to demean you and the other woman, otherwise he would be gone and with the woman he thinks is all that!

(READ: How Much Is Too Much When You Love Someone?)

Susan Z’s Verdict

Some emotional abusers act quite charming and nice in public so that others have a good impression of them but in private it is a different story, which is also used to lay the blame on you. There is no guideline to fix them and if you try, you will only dig your hole deeper. Change comes from seeing yourself through the amazing God Spark within you, without judgement and without feelings of less than.


Considering getting a psychic reading? We have carefully screened and selected a range of gifted, compassionate psychic readers to provide clarity and new insights into your life. Online psychics available 24/7.

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Susan Z Rich is an emotional addiction counselor, spiritual intuitive and holistic therapist. She counsels others to see life in a more positive way and teaches personal accountability for life choices. She is also the author of several children’s books and Soul Windows…Secrets From The Divine. (life cycles) Learn more at her website: www.szrwhitewings.com

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9 Comments

  1. I loved reading about emotional abusers insteaof relating it to a boyfriend or husband it truly sounds like my youngest daughter and !! That’s exactly how she treats me and sometimes my own mother does 2, thank you . maquacks66@ gmail.com

    1. After reading this I know that I’m being aboused? He has started on my thoughts in my head and still hits I get it all

  2. You certainly got hit it right. I lived thru such abuse for years. He was also bipolar. It was very difficult and you do believe the abuser after awhile. I’m grateful for information like yours
    It will help others wake up and love themselives again to leave

    1. Seriously bipolar people have been abused too so for you to think they are horrible people! You have no empathy for that person and it was all about you!

  3. Thank you!!! This story and everything you have written looks like my life .

  4. I had a recent lover who I was ready to marry but check this she always told me I am fragile by the day and so was I… she said I was abusive to her! I did demean her after she did 1,5,6,8,9, & 10! So who really was abusive? I felt abuse from her all the time and for her to scream abuse when I got fed up and told her about herself now I am the abuser? Abuse is a two way street not every story is one way! My fiancée lied to me or whole relationship and I don’t get how I am the abuser when I was tired of the nonsense and confronted her about her behavior! I did not abuse her ever just grew tired of her using me! That’s abuse!

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