Finding Mr. Right
I have a client that has come to me for years now and have counseled her through many relationships that follow the same pattern. There is the type that treats her like a queen, opens doors for her, has money, successful, etc. But he went out on a date with her and his shoes were scuffed, so that was the end of that.
Then there are the relationships where she is forever wondering where she stands with him. He breaks dates, no-shows, lies about where he is, and on and on. And that is the one she knows is Mr. Right and the only problem with the relationship is that he just can’t see that she is Ms. Right.
She is one of my favorite clients and also one of my most stubborn as she will do nothing to change her definitions of loving self or others loving her. She absolutely believes there is a Mr. Right out there for her and she is going to find him one day.
Regardless of how many times I have tried to bring the focus back to her unrealistic expectations of finding that perfect guy, her perfect answer is that it is all about timing (which she is correct on that) and she will eventually find him.
I have learned long ago to not waste my breath in telling her that maybe the guy with the scruffy shoes was Mr. Right if you would have given him a little more time or the problem might just have been that you felt you did not deserve Mr. Wonderful.
We Are All Flawed
If you recognize your dating or relationship pattern in the above paragraph, you are setting boundaries for finding a love that doesn’t exist and following rules set up by your 4-year-old inner child’s definition of Mr. Perfect.
Now I am not say there isn’t the perfect guy for you out there and he falls into all the categories of what you want, what I am saying is that we are all flawed and so is love.
We spend so much time and energy searching, looking for this man who will somehow be everything we’ve hoped for, who will slide seamlessly into the complicated puzzle of our lives, who will be the perfect, flawless, dream-guy we’ve been unconsciously wishing for since we were little girls.
It’s a wonderful romantic thought to imagine a soul somewhere in the world, wandering around, looking for us? To think that one day we’ll have a fairytale encounter in a coffee shop, at a street corner, in the seat of an airplane and somehow spark a love so big and beautiful it was meant to be all along?
The reality is through our search for that one true love that will fit the bill of Mr. Right, there are a lot of Mr. Right Now’s. As you grow and learn, your life and the priorities of your needs will change. Your version of Mr. Right will probably change as well.
That is the process of learning who we are as every year we change and grow into more evolved people. Who you attracted when you were 15, 20 or 30 will definitely not be the man who you want if you are 50. All those experiences are designed to take you to the next level of expectations.
If you have been waiting around for that perfect guy who might save you from your own life, the big key to finding a happy relationship is remembering we’re not Miss Rights ourselves. We have our own baggage, our own disappointments, our own struggles. And even if we aren’t dragging them behind us, they still have defined who we’ve become.
We all come from different places. Imperfect places. Love isn’t always about following the rules. Love is messy, scary, complicated and sometimes hurtful.
Very simply put, Mr. Right is the man that meets your needs and makes you happy. We spend a lot of our lives looking for role models, mentors, teachers, and gurus to guide us on our path. We do the same thing when we are looking for Mr. Right but what is the important solution to the riddle of where is he? Is he that this wonderful guy you have in your mind will be drawn the wonderful woman who mirrors back to him what he deserves.
If you somehow believe that you are not that amazing woman for this perfect guy, what you will get is the guy that will look for you to make him happy and eventually start thinking that maybe you really are not so hot after all if you are with him.
So, if you are still waiting for that Mr. Right, first thing you need to do is draw a stupid mustache on that perfect face of his and yours too. Then start asking yourself, are you what that wonderful man would want to be with. If you have doubts about that, that is the place to start, with you.
Be honest with yourself and ask the question, are you happy with who you are at the moment? Are you still carrying the extra weight, are you always anxious, do you feel desperate without a partner, are you mean to yourself by allowing yourself to be abused or demeaned.
Susan Z’s Verdict
Start with those, then send out into the universe that grocery list of the perfect Mr. Right and the universe will mirror him right back to you. Having said all that, I am not going to make a long list of suggestions like going to the gym, diet, mantras etc.
The only one I will suggest as a hypnotherapist is get some good self esteem affirmation tracks, listen to them in your car or at night and begin there. If you can change how you subconsciously feel about yourself, then your world changes with you and Mr. Right might just be standing right in front of you.
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Susan Z Rich is an emotional addiction counselor, spiritual intuitive and holistic therapist. She counsels others to see life in a more positive way and teaches personal accountability for life choices. She is also the author of several children’s books and Soul Windows…Secrets From The Divine.