Untrustworthy Men and How to Stop Getting Hurt by Them
I know I am probably being unfair to the wonderful men out there who have been screwed over by not including women in the title, but for the sake of this article, let’s just use the male vernacular to start recognizing the patterns in order for you to do something about always getting hurt by untrustworthy people.
First things first, if people always say to you that you are too trusting when dating someone or in your relationship, then you are either not listening to what your heart and higher self is trying to communicate to you or you refuse to see the red flags for fear of loss of the relationship and feel that your own inner voice is not important enough. If the signs are there, the relationship is going to end anyway, so maybe it’s time to put your big girl pants on and step up to the plate and stop the heartbreak before it begins.
One of the biggest fears in giving our love to someone is having our trust betrayed, regardless of if you have your shit together or not.
We all get blindsided at least once or maybe a few times before end game. But if it is a pattern in your relationships that betrayal is always the signal of the end, then it is on you, girlfriend.
Some ways to begin to stop this pattern is don’t give your total trust to him right away, even if he is so intoxicating you want to believe every word and action. Don’t trust him more than he respects you and wait until your perfect vision of him has cleared to trust him with the big things like your car, your house, your money, etc.
Trust should be realistic and not forced by the manipulative statement of “if you don’t trust me, then you don’t love me.” When you do trust, be willing to take the risks that you might have misjudged and don’t be too hard on yourself.
6 Signs of Untrustworthy Men
Here are some signs of untrustworthy actions in a relationship that should immediately make you question what you are getting out of the partnership.
1. You cannot depend on plans being followed through
If you are with someone that is always canceling or rearranging dates and plans without giving you a strong reason for it, you have to question why once again you are sitting there dressed with no place to go. Being unreliable is not a great trait to have and sometimes that is what you’ve got but more than likely, something else is going on in their life besides you.
2. He casually leaves out pieces of information
There are two types of lies: the deliberate lie, where somebody lies to you on purpose hoping that the truth will never come to light, and the “white lies” where somebody simply leaves out pieces of information, only to put the blame on you later on for not asking more about it. The latter has something to hide.
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3. They avoid talking on their phone when you are around
This is one of the most obvious signs that a person should not be trusted. Of course, some people just do not prefer to have their conversation overheard but if they continually leave the room when their cell phone rings, something is up.
4. There are inconsistencies in their stories
They relate a story to you one way and another way to someone else. Pay close attention, be brave, confront them and hear what the explanation is. If it just does not add up, there are too many stories going on you do not know about.
5. Does it take hours for them to reply to your text?
This is not necessarily an obvious tell-tale sign that a person is not trustworthy, but it should get you thinking – especially if that particular person is always using his phone when you are around. There are only two rational explanations for this: they are over the top busy, or you are simply not his/her priority, which means that you need to reconsider your own priorities.
6. Pay attention to how much flirting is going on when he is with you
Some people are just flirts and that will never change whether they are with you or by themselves but if your date or your spouse is “constantly” talking to other people and then tell you it is nothing but a mere chat, that should also raise a red flag.
8 Signs He’s Trustworthy
Now here are the simple signs you have a caught a good one and have also addressed your own issues of trusting your judgement on who you have chosen to spend time with or the rest of your life.
- He’s honest with you…even when you don’t want to hear it.
- He tries not to disappoint you.
- He is fine with leaving his phone out in the open.
- You find yourself mentioned on his social media pages.
- You have met some of his friends and he has spoken highly of you.
- He tries his best to be on time.
- (The big one here girls!) He trusts you!
- He shares information with you about his life, who he is, his dreams, his family, etc.
Susan Z’s Verdict
None of the guidelines mentioned above are set in stone and there is always the exception to the rule. That is when you must trust your own instincts on what you have in front of you. Trust and respect are the hardest and the most important part of any relationship to acquire, keep and maintain. It begins with the trust you have in yourself of not giving your power away in a relationship just to be loved and then flows back to you with having a relationship with someone who is also trustworthy. Bottom line is we mirror reflect and attract what we are.
Originally posted Nov 29, 2017
Susan Z Rich is an emotional addiction counselor, spiritual intuitive and holistic therapist. She counsels others to see life in a more positive way and teaches personal accountability for life choices. She is also the author of several children’s books and Soul Windows…Secrets From The Divine.