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Stopping The Emotional Pain In Relationships

emotional pain

Stopping The Emotional Pain In Relationships

There are so many different levels of emotional pain in relationships, it will be hard to cover them all in this article. But if you find that your relationship track record, has the same painful ending, then you are dealing with something called the “Pain Body”. It is literally a real thing that exists with you and carries all the negative emotions of hurt, rejection, demeaning humiliation, abandonment and rejection that you have experienced through your life. Unless energetically released, it stays with you and will compromise a good situation into a piece of drama because a painful memory has been stirred up.

Taking an excerpt out of one of Eckhart Tolle’s books, it explains how the pain body can control you and repeat the cycle of emotional pain over and over again. “This accumulated pain body is a negative energy field that occupies your body and mind. If you look on it as an invisible entity in its own right, you are getting quite close to the truth. It’s the emotional pain body. It has two modes of being: dormant and active. Once the pain body has taken you over, you want more pain. You become a victim or a perpetrator. You want to inflict pain, or you want to suffer pain, or both. There isn’t really much difference between the two. You are not conscious of this, of course, and will vehemently claim that you do not want pain.”

So how does this pain body we carry with us affect our relationships? We continue to pick partners that treat us in the same hurtful manner when we were young, we purposely sabotage a good relationship because we feel we don’t deserve one, we make excuses and accept emotional or physical abuse as something we caused.

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We have the gift of changing the control the pain body has over us by giving to yourself and others from a place of resourcefulness. We can ALWAYS control what we have to give; but we cannot control what other people do not give to us. Pain is a part of life: but if you really want to get OUT of that pain, then focusing on what you cannot control is not the answer and will continue the cycle. If you focus on what you can potentially control, with is your own thoughts, actions and the amount of energy YOU give to any situation.

Here are a few suggestions from the professionals to help control that pain body until it starts becoming part of your nature. Seeking release work will also help. Any energetic healer is aware of the pain body we carry.

  1. Let go of the belief you have just been rejected. Rejection actually activates the same pathways in your brain as physical pain, which is one reason why it hurts so much. The feeling of rejection hits your innate need to belong, and is so distressing that it interferes with your ability to think and make sane decisions.
  2. Avoid going over, and over and over the hurt. When you keep the hurt going, the memories you replay in your mind only become increasingly distressing and cause more anger, without solving anything or providing any new insights. But reflecting on a painful event can help you to reach an understanding or closure, but being obsessed with it simply increases your stress levels.
  3. Turn your seemingly failure at a relationship into something positive. Blaming factors beyond your control only creates frustration and disappointment. Look at the specific happenings that were in your control and how you handled them in a positive manner. If you were involved with a cheater, you didn’t just accept it, you tossed him out! Give yourself some kudos!
  4. Use guilt to your advantage. Guilt can be beneficial in that it can stop you from doing something that may hurt another person. But guilt that lingers or is excessive can impair your ability to focus and enjoy life. If you still feel guilty after apologizing for a wrongdoing, be sure you also have expressed empathy toward them and conveyed that you understand how your actions hurt them. This will likely lead to authentic forgiveness and relief of your guilty feelings.
  5. Work on your self-esteem. Everything in a relationship is a mirror of how we see ourselves. Start looking into affirmation tracks that you resonate to. If you are having financial issues, and you start using an affirmation track of how to be a millionaire, it might be out of your belief system and not work. Make choices of affirmation tracks, books or workshops that seem in reach. Focus only on what you can control in your relationship, which is YOU!

Susan Z’s Verdict

There is no easy solution or answer, just making the commitment that you do not want to carry the pain body baggage with you anymore into any relationship. If you choose to do nothing, then your partner will always know just what button to push to awaken that emotional pain and then the hurt and/or fight is on.

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Susan Z Rich is an emotional addiction counselor, spiritual intuitive and holistic therapist. She counsels others to see life in a more positive way and teaches personal accountability for life choices. She is also the author of several children’s books and Soul Windows…Secrets From The Divine. (life cycles) Learn more at her website:

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