The Power of Non-Attachment In A Relationship
When we use the words non-attachment about relationships, we automatically go to the place of not being that interested or connected. Actually, in a good relationship, non-attachment is how a relationship gets high marks for longevity and the possibility of solid communication between two partners. The definition of non-attachment is not indifference but an important quality for healthy love relationships. It’s important to truly understand the common misunderstanding between non-attachment and indifference. Indifference means a lack of interest and sympathy toward a person or object. We as human beings are attached to attachment. We are attached to our thinking; our emotions; the way things and people ought to be.
What non-attachment does is give you the power and knowing to understand that in real life, you don’t really have any guarantee about your shared time with someone is going to come to an end. The many circumstances of life, the “I didn’t see that coming” frailty of the human condition and the instability of human emotions all factor in whether a relationship will make it or not. These factors make relationships much less predictable than we believe them to be. There are no sure things in life except your everyday experiencing of it, death and taxes.
Non-attachment will empower you to experience every relationship being in just that moment and not project about what might possibly happen in the next week, month, years or a lifetime with someone. Being in this energy gives you a great self-power of love and intensity, knowing that really nothing is forever and it could end at any moment. Our hearts, inner child and certainly our ego does not want to accept that reality but it IS reality. Life is a constant mixture of pleasure and pain, of comfort and hardship. We cling to the pleasure, hoping that it will never leave and then overwhelmed by the pain, fearing that it will never end.
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By practicing non-attachment, we can learn how to navigate through difficult times in a relationship with a certain sense of humor, knowing that this too shall pass. In the same energy, it helps us enjoy the beautiful relationship that we are in without the fear it will end, which undoubtedly it will at some point. Whether it be through a mutual parting, a heartbreak or the loss of the psychical body of your partner, relationships end and transform into something else we must address.
Being non-attached in a relationship is a major step in experiencing what unconditional love is, not only for yourself but also for your partner. You hold no judgement, stay open minded, keeping them accountable and always looking out for your sense of self respect and acceptance of who you are from your partner. Giving back to them, what you expect to receive.
Being committed to someone means that you love him or her primarily because of his or her energetic patterns matching up with yours, which makes you feel loved. If you are attached to an outcome of what you think your partner should be or not should be and does something that upsets you, or simply decides to leave, then it all becomes about how they made you feel. All too often, attached love then turns into bitterness, anger and resentment.
When you love with non-attachment, you are not concerned with the outcome of your loving that person but the experience that love brings. Attached love expresses itself by the words “I love you, because of this or that.” But detached love just is about “I love you,” without any conditions or expectations. Non-attachment loving in a relationship is a state of mind of being objective, not clinging and completely open to the deep consideration of whom you are partnering with and basically humanity on the whole.
Hard to do, you betcha! It takes a deep understanding that you are a whole person with or without a partner and regardless of what is going on in the relationship or how it unfolds, you are still you. That never changes under any of the circumstances in a relationship. If you hold onto a deep grounding sense of who you are in a relationship, you will find that being attached to the outcome of it will not change you, only allow you to experience some beautiful times together or learn the lessons of what you do not want in a relationship. But you still and always will be you at the end of the day.
Susan Z’s Verdict
This is definitely an article written from the perspective of “easier said than done”. I personally have only seen a few people in relationships that mastered this art of non-attachment. They had a great relationship because both knew exactly who they were and had no expectations of their partner being any different than they were.
Susan Z Rich is an emotional addiction counselor, spiritual intuitive and holistic therapist. She counsels others to see life in a more positive way and teaches personal accountability for life choices. She is also the author of several children’s books and Soul Windows…Secrets From The Divine.