We have all been in the position of being thrown back unprepared into the dating pool at least once in our lives. But if it happens when you’re older, suddenly being single again can cause a lot of angst. However it is also a time of renewal and exciting new opportunity.
Unless you have a huge social network of friends that can easily hook you up with someone for your first foray out into the single world, it is a very overwhelming experience. You aren’t sure if the rules are the same and you likely have a different lifestyle than when you were free and single and could go out with anyone that caught your eye.
Since we are a species of partnership, after divorcing and everything calms down; you take that deep breath and emotionally, mentally and physically decide that you are ready to see what is out there in terms of spending time with who might have potential. Regardless of whether you are looking to remarry at some point or you have sworn that off and just would like the companionship, it can get pretty tricky when you first get out there again.
Story continues below…
What to keep in mind when considering dating again
- Start dating when YOU feel you are ready and not before. Don’t let your friends talk you into a date with someone with the attitude that you have to “get back on the horse if you fall off”.
- Date for the right reasons. If you miss male companionship, make sure you do not forget why you got divorced. Only go out with someone because they have lots of things you might like about them.
- Dating sites are not the only avenue to meet someone in the tech age, although you should at least try it, you never know. There are plenty of on-line club groups now that are focused on doing interesting things you might like to do.
- Get out and socialize. Even if it is with people you work with, married girlfriends or family. You raise the odds of meeting someone by chance and you might just enjoy yourself.
- OK, here it comes! Do a little sprucing up if it is called for. Sometimes a new haircut, a makeover or a change in your fashion look will do wonders for your confidence when you are getting ready for that first date.
- Be yourself when you are presenting the new but a little older single lady. You have grown up! If you have to write down everything you like about yourself before your first date with someone, do it!
- Don’t stress over what to wear! You KNOW what you look good in and what is ‘meh’.
- Put your divorced ex in a drawer somewhere before you leave. You can have a little conversation as to why you are not with someone anymore but you will not get a second call with a blow by blow account of why you are single.
- Don’t let a younger age deter you from saying yes. In today’s dating world, no age rules apply anymore.
- Don’t be overly optimistic. Yes, I did say that after all the upbeat advice to new dating. Don’t expect too much from your first date or any date wearing rose colored glasses. We all have baggage and it is how well we handle them and show them is what makes good potential.
- Be honest about your history. If you have kids, make that known right from the start. If you are planning on moving out of the state in 2 months, give that up too. Remember, it is just a date!
- Try not to compare the person sitting across from you with your ex. We usually are attracted to the same type but by this time, you should know if they are like your ex because you have said no to any first date or you know there is not going to be a second.
- Last but most important! Give yourself a break! You are a little rusty at the whole dating game, so cut yourself some slack if you knocked the water over or called them by your ex’s name.
Story continues below…
Susan Z Rich is an emotional addiction counselor, spiritual intuitive and holistic therapist. She counsels others to see life in a more positive way and teaches personal accountability for life choices. She is also the author of several children’s books and Soul Windows…Secrets From The Divine.