What Are The Real Reasons Why You Want To Be Married?
From the moment we get our first Barbie doll and dress her up like a bride, it seems like the most romantic thing in the world that could happen to us. And it is a wonderful experience! The downside to our obsession to being that beautiful bride in white, is why you are getting married in the first place. In our society now, there is no stigma attached anymore to making a choice of being single, having a child on your own or choosing an alternative life style. Marriage is so ingrained in our society of belonging to someone that sometimes we make decisions to get married for the wrong reasons versus why the institution of marriage was created for…. a statement from the heart this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
With divorce rates so high, it is obvious that many couples rush into marriage thinking it will be a solution to whatever they believe is lacking in their life at the moment. I have a client that was recently divorced from a wealthy man and even before the ink was dry on the divorce papers, she was looking for another wealthy husband. Why? Because she is not interested in having to financially take care of herself and made no life arrangements to be able to step into any career, even though she knew her marriage was ending three years before it actually happened.
Marriage is a big step and can be a messy one if you rush into it for reasons that are based on need, fear, low self-esteem or being attached to the good opinions of others. Below are listed a few reasons that professional marriage counselors have compiled that is a sure path to divorce.
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- Marriage will fix everything that is wrong in my life. Imagine two people who are miserable — bad jobs, bad health, bad habits and toxic attitudes. If these two people were to somehow meet, fall in love and marry, how on earth would their union create a better set of circumstances for either of them?
- Being married means that you will be getting sex on a regular basis. (mostly men have this one) And that is actually a very true statement until the problems that have not been addressed start surfacing. On the whole, marriage is definitely the gateway to more sex but if that is what your relationship is based on, even that gets old.
- You will be less lonely if you are married. Being single can be lonely but being married can be just as lonely, and in the context of a marriage that loneliness is worse. Single people will sometimes think, “If I was with someone, at least I wouldn’t be so lonely.” It’s an understanding thought, but it’s a siren song. As eHarmony founder Neil Clark Warren wrote, “Being in a bad relationship is a million times worse than having no relationship at all.”
- Marriage will make you happy. If you’re not a happy single person, the chances are good you’re not going to be a happy married person. You make you happy. Marriage can bring you great joy, companionship and satisfaction but if you are unhappy with yourself, more than likely you will attract and marry someone who is just as unhappy.
- Marriage is the end game and once you do that, life is fulfilled. Of course, it’s marvelous to be happy on your wedding day, but all too often couples stop putting in the real effort when it counts, when day to day life comes into play.
- We have been together for years and it just seems like the next logical step whether you are happy with each other or not.
- He’d make a good husband… good job and outstanding credit score… so why not?
- Fear of ending up being the single “Crazy Cat Lady” isn’t a title most women want on their personal resume.
- Security. Thinking that if anything happened like losing your job, you have a backup.
- Unexpected pregnancy. A child needs both parents, right? It just seems like the right thing to do.
Susan Z’s Verdict
One of the most important reasons to get married, of course, is love. But also bringing reasonable expectations is at the top of the list too. Expecting that marriage is some kind of magic elixir, regardless of what your circumstances are is a sure path to divorce court. No marriage is perfect and it takes everyday effort and work. Your relationship will constantly change and if you made your choice from a place in the heart with the knowing that you have chosen to marry someone that will stand the test of time, go for it. Marriage is a wonderful institution when it is done for the right reasons!
Susan Z Rich is an emotional addiction counselor, spiritual intuitive and holistic therapist. She counsels others to see life in a more positive way and teaches personal accountability for life choices. She is also the author of several children’s books and Soul Windows…Secrets From The Divine. (life cycles) Learn more at her website: www.szrwhitewings.com