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What Pushes Your Buttons?

pushes your buttons

What Pushes Your Buttons?

The phrase, “Getting your buttons pushed” is a common expression we now all use when acknowledging that you have been controlled by someone else’s actions or words. Never quite thought about it that way before, did you? But that is exactly what it means.

We all have our trigger points that makes us feel less than, being taken advantage of, feel invisible or overlooked, demeaned and disrespected. What we don’t acknowledge is the choice of embracing the huge power of NOT allowing those words or actions to control us. The old saying of “consider the source” is very apropos when taking into account whether or not you are going to allow someone to puppeteer your emotions and feelings.

The hard part of accepting that power is when somebody continues to open our old wounds on purpose, they must be told their behavior is not acceptable nor wanted any longer. That is usually where we chicken out and take the passive/aggressive role or you make up your mind you are going to “teach them a lesson or two” and you end up jumping off the emotional cliff yourself.

Taking responsibility

We’ve all had our buttons pushed to the point where we feel we can’t take it anymore and we’ve all pushed somebody else’s buttons, with or without knowing it. The button pusher may not be conscious of what they’re doing, but in the end the buttons belong to us, and we are the ones who must deal with what comes up. The more we take responsibility for our own feelings and reactions, the less tender these buttons will be.

When an incident does arise, it takes a conscious effort of stepping away, either physically or emotionally and asking yourself why you have just felt like you have been zapped! Not what they said or did but why YOU are reacting the way you are to it.

Once you get into the habit of taking that pause, you will learn more about what your buttons are and either avoid them or avoid the person who does the button pushing. With each new opportunity of becoming the ‘watcher ‘of your reactions, you will learn from every experience to not only guard your buttons but possibly get rid of them altogether…or the person.

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9 guidelines for being in control

Researching the experts in this field of button pushing, here are some excellent “I am the one in control here” guidelines that can help.

  1. Take responsibility for your reactions. You need to realize that no one else can force you to feel one way or another. You are ultimately responsible for your own feelings and responses. You cannot keep people from doing things that push your buttons but you can keep your emotions from being pushed.
  2. Release the desire to change others. Just as others cannot force you to react the way they want, you cannot force others to act and react the way you want. Give up in the idea that you can stop someone from antagonizing you.
  3. Look at what your buttons are. Think about the last time someone pushed your buttons and set you off. Ask yourself what your sore spots are and think about how to address them.
  4. Detach from your ego’s need to be right. Remind yourself that the world doesn’t revolve around you. You are just as important as anyone else, but ultimately, everyone else has the right to feel that sense of happiness. Because it is at your expense, it doesn’t make it right, just sad.
  5. Create some sacred boundaries. Think about the people who regularly push your buttons and set up healthy boundaries between you and them. You cannot control how they behave but you can limit the number of opportunities they have to push your buttons.
  6. Ask yourself how your reaction impacts you. You will probably realize that your own reaction is hurting you more than the person who is doing the button pushing. Duh!
  7. Imagine other options to react with. There is nothing that will stop a button pusher faster in their tracks than laughing at how ridiculous they are acting or how they sound to you.
  8. Keep your conclusions realistic. If you recognize that every time a certain somebody says or does a particular thing to you, you go ballistic, then don’t expect that you are now going to be all ‘Zen’ when it happens again. It will take time, practice and some self-examination to finally get to the point it won’t bother you.
  9. Acknowledge your victories. When you have successfully kept someone from pushing your buttons, congratulate yourself and feel proud! Go ahead, reward yourself with that sundae!
  10. Susan Z’s Verdict

    The truth is, you may never get to the point where certain people won’t push your buttons anymore but you do have the choice on how you are going to react, not what they say or do. Mastering the ‘Powerful Pause and Breath’ technique will at least temporarily put you in the driver’s seat until you can go find a pillow to punch and scream in. Allow yourself that and each time it will get easier.


Considering getting a psychic reading? We have carefully screened and selected a range of gifted, compassionate psychic readers to provide clarity and new insights into your life. Online psychics available 24/7.

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Susan Z Rich is an emotional addiction counselor, spiritual intuitive and holistic therapist. She counsels others to see life in a more positive way and teaches personal accountability for life choices. She is also the author of several children’s books and Soul Windows…Secrets From The Divine. (life cycles) Learn more at her website: www.szrwhitewings.com

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2 Comments

  1. I just wanted to thank you for the insites you publish. And I read everything that is sent to me.

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