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When You Feel Emotionally Bullied In A Relationship

emotionally bullied

When You Feel Emotionally Bullied In A Relationship

The biggest hurdle with being in a relationship where you are being emotionally bullied in a relationship is being able to recognize it. This comes from exposure to a demeaning definition of love shown to you when you were young, not having the maturity to discern that what you were witnessing was a complete control issue and disrespect for women in general.

So, what exactly is emotional bullying? There are a lot of reasons why a partner may try and bully you. Some have been doing it all their life and were taught that is how you control someone. Their self-esteem is very low and it is how, they feel better about themselves by making someone else feel worse than they do. They see it as a way to be in control when many things in their world seem to be spiraling out of control. Others may bully because they feel it makes them popular when done with a sense of humor and find it entertaining.

There are many types of bullies and their associated behaviors. “The Rage Bully” is capable of physical damage to his partner or his partner’s objects. They yell and hit to subdue their spouses, and they control through fear and physical intimidation. “The Name Calling Bully” creates insecurity to control his victim. He looks for weakness and seeks to destroy self-confidence by constantly making fun of his partner. “The Passive Aggressive Bully” keeps a laundry list of his partner’s transgressions, and lists them whenever his partner confronts him. The most common bullying behaviors include fear and intimidation tactics, controlling people and situations, and withholding love, attention, money and sex. Any of these behaviors can ruin a relationship, rob you of your happiness and create an unmanageable home life.

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Some bully their partner because it is the only way they believe you will pay attention to them by getting angry at them. It could also be because they are jealous of the very person they say they love. Usually they were bullied themselves and so they choose a partner who they perceive as weaker in order to bully them. Some partners don’t even understand that they’re bullying or how the person they bully truly feels.

Coping with a partner who is a bully takes a lot of patience and a strong belief that you have the ability to be able to show your partner what it feels like to be on the receiving end of the demeaning and hurtful words being hurled at you. You can’t change your partner and unless they get counseling and are actually willing to see what they cannot see at the moment, odds are slim they will change. Eventually, you will either see the behavior as bullying and decide whether it is worth staying in the relationship as it will eventually bring up depression, low self-worth and feelings of isolation in you.

Some of the signs that you are being emotionally bullied in your relationship look like this. People often become stuck in patterns that are detrimental to their well-being. You must recognize what is happening to you, accept that you are being bullied and it is the bully who has the problem, which they are projecting onto you, and that it can be dealt with, according to Life After Bullying.

  1. They use derogative name calling when angry with you.
  2. Both of you participate in saying or writing nasty things about another when angry or behind one another’s back.
  3. You are purposely excluded on activities, making you feel it was done on purpose for malicious reasons.
  4. Aggressive talk or physical movements that make you feel unsafe and scared.
  5. Damaging your belongings.
  6. Hitting, kicking, knocking things out of one’s hands, pushing, shoving, etc.
  7. Put down humor at your expense.
  8. You lie to each other.
  9. You make excuses for their behavior to your children.
  10. Constantly blaming you for their behavior. Example: “If you had not done what you did, I wouldn’t have said or acted in that way to humiliate you.” No accountability for their own behavior.

Some things you can do in a bullying situation until you decide that you have a bully for a partner is finding ways to protect yourself.

  1. Do not provoke or engage in verbal sparring.
  2. Learn to laugh at how ridiculous they sound and look.
  3. If physical, call for help.
  4. Educate yourself in what bullying actually looks and feels like.
  5. Confide in someone you can trust to have them help you discern if you are actually being emotionally bullied.
  6. Or at the very bottom of the list, ignore them.

Susan Z’s Verdict

At the end of the day, you can only control one person, YOU. So, educating yourself on your role as the victim and stopping the bully cycle is imperative to healing for your half of the equation. The second most important factor here is if you have children, you do not want the cycle repeated through them. You have that kind of power to stop it.

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