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When Your Ego Is Controlling Your Relationships


When Your Ego Is Controlling Your Relationships

There have been many discussions about whether the ego is a good thing or a bad thing in your life journey. I think it is a little of both, depending on how you caretake it. Being totally in your ego makes for a miserable partnership or none at all but it can also help you to push forward to go for what you want in life. Being in charge of your ego, keeps you self-aware and helps you maneuver through all the bull that can be thrown at you when someone is trying to make less of you.

When you are acting out or making decisions in a relationship completely from the ego and not from the heart, you will find yourself behaving in a way that sometimes makes you cringe afterwards or worse, feel triumphant that you have just crushed an opponent or one you felt threatened by. That is when your ego is totally running the show. The ego can be tricky to manage – if we’re not careful, it will sneak up behind us when we least expect it, and before we know it we’re acting in ways that we know deep down are not for our best benefit nor very attractive.

What is the ego? Well for one thing, it certainly is NOT your friend. It is a needy child that is constantly pushing you to make it feel more special than others. If you are struggling with your value or self-esteem, it seeks approval. If you have ever been in a situation where these two feelings come up for you, you are totally in your ego and not in your heart: 1. The need to feel superior over someone, 2. Or you feel inferior around someone. The ego is not just about arrogance or your level of loving yourself, it is a need to feel in control and be right and always at the expense of someone else. “You can be happy…. or you can be right.”

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Below are listed a few behaviors that point out if you are in your ego dealing with the person you are involved with or dealing with it from your heart.

  1. You feel just a little superior and pleased with yourself when you gossip about other people’s flaws.
  2. You find yourself unable to “agree to disagree”, feeling it is absolutely necessary to be right and win the argument.
  3. You constantly compare yourself to other people who you feel have more than you…. better looking, more intelligent, happier, more wealthy or worse yet, compare yourself to people who you feel are less than you.
  4. You feel jealousy and envy when other people do well or have something wonderful happen in their life.
  5. You always begin a conversation with someone by talking about yourself for at least 10 minutes before asking how they are?
  6. You have a strong desire to win at all cost, even if it means bending the rules or cheating a little.
  7. You withdraw or pout when you don’t win at something you think you are good at instead of feeling good about yourself that you did your best, accepting that you win some and lose some. You take it very personal that you lost.
  8. You set for yourself or your partner, impossible goals and then beat yourself up or them when they are not reached.
  9. You always tend to blame others when things don’t go your way.

(READ: Release the Past Through Forgiveness)

Susan Z’s Verdict:

No one is perfect, that is the absolute truth! But you can learn to stay more in your heart than in your ego by practicing a few behavior, emotional and mental adjustments when you deal with your relationships and life in general. Practice forgiveness, look for small things to be in gratitude for, always stay in your truth and last but not least, allow yourself to NOT feel like you have to be in control or right all the time. “It’s not happy people who are thankful; it’s thankful people who are happy.” — Unknown

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