Where Do You Get Your Worthiness From?
Whenever counseling someone in my Emotional Addiction Program, the terms self-esteem, self-love, respect and worthiness usually all come out in one thought form from the client I am trying to get to see how awesome they are.
But they key word here is worthiness. Our definition of self-worth controls literally every good thing we feel about ourselves and also everything we feel is wrong in our life.
Virtually every emotional wound is intertwined with issues of worthiness. Like most “subconscious programs”, worthiness is often passed down, unknowingly from our caretakers, but even on the rare chance that you did not inherit this program, by the time you are in first grade, the subconscious programing begins.
Proving our worth
On day one of first grade, we are taught that there is right and wrong, deserving and non-deserving, and passing and failing, all adding up to either being worthy or not worthy. With every test and evaluation, we must prove our worth. But not just worthy to move on to the next lesson, the next grade or to graduation, we are asked to prove that we are worthy of approval, acknowledgment, appreciation and even love.
If we do what we are told and we fit in with the group dynamic, we receive rewards and our emotional needs are met.
However, if we think for ourselves, and we do not fit in, no rewards come; leaving us feeling emotionally punished by disapproval, disappointment and the withholding of love by our peers or those in authority.
In other words, we are deemed unworthy. Everyone remembers the high school cliques that excluded those that were not like them and the social outcasts who were always made fun of because they did not fit in. They were judged and deemed not worthy of belonging.
In order to turn off this subconscious program of unworthiness, you must stop acting like your worth is conditional and stop believing that you need to improve or change in some way in order to gain worth.
Looking to the outside world for your worth keeps you trapped in a vicious cycle with no way out. The outside world cannot give you worth, maybe satisfaction for a short moment but not self-worth!
In fact, no one can give it to you and no one can take it away. You must claim your worth without conditions or attachments.
Here are some suggested thoughts to put into action to stop the unworthiness cycle.
7 Tips to Stopping the Unworthiness Cycle
- Stop comparing yourself and your life to others. There will always be someone who has more or does it better than you do. Instead, focus on what YOU have accomplished or do well.
- Stop allowing other people to take your worth away from you, meaning stop giving control of your emotions, money and life over to another expecting they will treat it as respectfully as you would.
- When you no longer need degrees, credentials, possessions or a partner to make you feel worthy, you are freed from a self-imposed prison. You can still have these things, but your worth is no longer contingent on any of them. Your worth is not dependent on anything but you!
- Discovering yourself to be essentially worthy without outside attachments allows you to heal all issues that manifested because you believed you were unworthy. The result is releasing worry, fear, stress and even depression, allowing you to become authentic, confident and happy.
- Remembering that you are unconditionally worthy is a short cut to spiritual growth because you are no longer tied to the outside world through needing it to give you worth. Unconditional worth also connects you to who you really are, while at the same time activating your intuition which allows you to receive powerful inner guidance to feel even better about yourself.
- Remember there is nothing you have to do and that is the point. Your worth is fundamentally yours just by the claim that you have a life, you are living it and traversing it as well as you can.
- Claim your unique self. There are no replacements who can take over and live your life for you. There is no other person who has had the experiences you have had or who carries the same message to share with the world.
Susan Z’s Verdict
When we have the capability of seeing our worthiness from the inside of our existence, there is always something that we can feel unique and wonderful about. Even in the worst situations of life, the fact that we survived it or are dealing with it says the most powerful statement of your worth…strong, courageous, resilient and not giving up. Give yourself a worthiness applause for all that you have accomplished, are doing, planning on doing or just that you have survived it all and still standing!
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Susan Z Rich is an emotional addiction counselor, spiritual intuitive and holistic therapist. She counsels others to see life in a more positive way and teaches personal accountability for life choices. She is also the author of several children’s books and Soul Windows…Secrets From The Divine.