Why Wanting Love Doesn’t Necessarily Bring It
We all want to believe that Prince Charming is right around the corner. In today’s romance market, it seems harder and harder to actually find someone that wants the same thing you do at the same time. I have always believed that partnering is like a big conveyor belt and when the right one shows up and the timing is right, he just slips into place. If you’re not ready or he’s not, then no amount willing them to be the “one” will happen. I also do not believe that there is only one true soul mate out there for you. I feel it falls under the category as everything else in life does, free will, readiness, timing and the most important, how much love you have for yourself. You attract and bring into your love life how you see yourself and what you think love looks and feels like. Bottom line, it all starts with you and ends with how much in love you are with the image and definition of yourself.
When you believe you are lacking love in your life, you create that sense of lack within yourself, and that sense of lack becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. Why? Because the very person you are trying to attract to make you feel loved, sense that you want something from them. When we are looking to get love from someone in order to feel loved, it is coming from the ego, which is a place of discontentment: “How can you make ME happy?” Falling in love is a feeling that comes and eventually goes. True love is not so much a feeling as a doing. It is an act of acceptance, openness, kindness, respect and receptivity to another. We experience love as a result of being open and attentive to and accepting of whomever is in front of us.
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If permanent love has not shown up in your life or lasting love has come and gone and come and gone, here are a few wake up calls from the professionals that might just hit home. Taking a long, hard look at your definition of love and how you begin to change it.
1. You’re too needy
There’s no faster way to repel a man than to need him. Neediness is a state of mind where you feel incomplete or have an emotional void, and try to fill this empty space with male/or female validation. A guy wants to feel chosen by a woman he had to earn. He doesn’t want to feel like he’s just filling a spot that could have easily gone to any other man with a pulse.
2. You’re too picky
Most women are usually at one extreme or the other: desperate and willing to put up with anything or too picky and unwilling to “settle” for anything less than their dream man. We want to be swept off our feet and taken over by this all-consuming feeling of euphoria and harmony. If we’re not feeling the intensity on the first date, you’ll write the guy off and say there was no “spark.” I am not saying you have to settle, but try being a little more flexible and open minded.
3. Are you happy with you?
If not, there is a good place to start. The happier you become with yourself, the more chances are that you will attract a partner that thinks you are awesome and blessed that you are in his life
Don’t use a relationship to validate yourself. Self-help or counseling is not a dirty word.
4. You want the guys you can’t have
If you could win that unobtainable guy, that would prove to you and the world who sees you together that you ARE loveable and wanted. Problem is…. he does not want you permanently, and no amount of willfulness will make that happen. You will only end up feeling less than and rejected and he will feel ……. nothing!
5. Faulty love system
Wanting to “fix” the poor broken fellas that no one else has ever understood, but you do. You just know that if you love him enough, he will change for you. This sets you up for failure even before it has a chance to become anything fulfilling, as you are spending all your time and emotions doing everything for them to make them whole. In the end, you are empty and drained and they are still damaged and broken. Only they can make the decision to fix themselves. They choose someone like you because they are emotional vampires who live off pity and create the illusion that YOU will be the one to change their life for them.
Susan Z’s Verdict
Love doesn’t have to be that hard. It all starts with you and ends with you. If you start with loving foundations, then lasting love is what you will find and keep. Work on yourself with affirmation tracks, counseling, healing or self-help books. They work!
Susan Z Rich is an emotional addiction counselor, spiritual intuitive and holistic therapist. She counsels others to see life in a more positive way and teaches personal accountability for life choices. She is also the author of several children’s books and Soul Windows…Secrets From The Divine.