Why We Keep On Repeating The Same Mistakes In Relationships
There is a saying from an old movie from the 80’s, “Wherever you go, there you are”. At first the comment makes you want to screw up your face and go “what?” but then it dawns on you. In your life, career, family and love relationships, what is the same equation in all of them, YOU! So if you keep on getting the same results in your relationships: abusive, dismissive, aloof, demeaning, ghosting, one night stands, broken promises, cheating..all of them or some of them but they all end up the same with your heart being bruised and battered, the problem is not the men you pick, it is your definition of how you think you should be loved by men.
The only fix for any of the above relationship issues is you putting more value, worth and love for yourself. You cannot fix the problem by analyzing, changing how you think, or just quit trying. Eventually that all leads to bitterness, judgement and blame…mostly subconsciously on you. Listed below is a list from the professionals of some of the mistakes we make in relationships. The one thing they all agree on is the only way to get a different end game is how you feel about yourself going into the relationship and then how you participate in it.
- You don’t reflect on your relationships. I mean really think about how each relationship started, grew into something romantic, the problems, the anger and then the same ending. You with another relationship that went nowhere.
- Give thought to how every relationship ended. If you see the pattern of emotions and behavior, you have something to focus on. If you can figure out the reasons your last relationship broke up, you’ll be less likely to travel the same road again. Do you keep choosing the wrong type of partner?
- You do not listen to what your family and friends have to say about your choices. Sometimes people who love us can see a pattern in self-destructive behavior that we cannot. Instead of getting defensive, give into the idea that possibly there might be some truth in what they are saying.
- You don’t hold yourself accountable for the past relationship mistakes you made. If you think the end of your last relationship was all your partner’s fault, then you need to take a second look at yourself. It takes two contributing partners to make a relationship and it takes the same number to have it end. It might just be your weaknesses and flaws that contribute to your relationship problems and we ALL have flaws that make us challenging to love. Be open to the possibility that you may not have been the best partner either and go from there, remembering that there is a difference between knowing that you made certain mistakes in your relationships and understanding why you made those mistakes.
- You are unwilling to change. You judge and blame. If you take the attitude that this is the way I am and if they don’t like it, they can move on. If you aren’t open to take a deeper look at your own emotional behavior, make compromises and be willing to grow in your own approach on how to receive and give love, you’ll keep making the wrong choices.
- You ignore the red flags right from the beginning. If you have a habit of picking men with drinking problems and on your first date, you have to drive him home and you still move forward with him, it’s on you. It is right there staring you in the face but you choose to make excuses or exceptions. The ending will always be the same, different players using the same rules.
- You try and fix the problem. You hide from the reality in front of you and decide you will be the exception to the rule. He was abusive to his ex-wife and last girlfriend, he certainly would never do that to you. Your belief that you must be special to be loved puts you in circumstances of forever fixing someone broken and eventually you become broken too.
- You settle. You figure this is as good as it is going to get and there may not be another, so you say “why not?” Even if your heart is telling you something different, you stay anyway. Eventually your heart will cry uncle and either he will leave or you will. Still the same ending.
Susan Z’s Verdict
It is a hard thing to make change within ourselves but absolutely possible. What we think and believe about ourselves reflects on everything in our life. Our subconscious is like a big computer that has been programmed since you were little. If you don’t like the end results you are getting in relationships, then change the software. Listen to affirmation tracks, read uplifting books, seek counseling and healing. Something will change to the better with determination and desire.
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Susan Z Rich is an emotional addiction counselor, spiritual intuitive and holistic therapist. She counsels others to see life in a more positive way and teaches personal accountability for life choices. She is also the author of several children’s books and Soul Windows…Secrets From The Divine.