7 Reasons Why Your New Love May Have ‘Ghosted’ You
‘Ghosting’ has become a new tech definition of being silently dumped without explanation just as the saying he has gone ‘radio silent’ when your phone calls or texts are not being returned. Regardless of what the circumstances are, no one likes to feel that void of uncertainty when a new relationship you thought had real potential, suddenly dies.
Now, a little healthy introspection is never wasted and usually a good idea, especially if it is a common occurrence. A fizzled romance prompts you to wonder: “What’s wrong with me?”
That loaded question comes with the faulty assumption that it must be your fault. Not true. Most of the time the real reasons have little or nothing to do with you. Romantic potential is like a complex physics equation, but one that’s dependent on variables you can’t even see.
Most of the time, men have the capability of being more realistic about falling in love than women do, so will exit out the back door sooner when they see no way of connecting the dots for a future.
If you have experienced this dating non-closure event in the past or presently and are wondering why the other person ghosted you, maybe you should resist the temptation to immediately find flaws in yourself and try a new approach to why you got ghosted. I mean besides him being a childish ass who does not have the chutzpah to end it like a gentleman! (this goes for the ladies too by the way!)
Regardless of what the reasons are, there is no excuse for this behavior and what is important is that YOU don’t take the hit. Here are some alternative explanations to consider and some suggestions at how to deal with being ghosted differently.
- Bad timing. Having a new romance will have to compete with other priorities in their life, such as a looming career change, family obligations, illness, money troubles, or pre-existing plans to move to another city.
- Unfinished business. Sometimes a new love walks away because they have unfinished business with a past relationship
- Not ready for a relationship. It’s possible your new interest simply got cold feet at the idea of moving from “dating” to “being together.” In that case, there is nothing you could have done differently.
- Misaligned goals. You are a driven corporate finance executive and his dream of a great life one day is to own his own organic farm far off the beaten path in Montana. The reality of making a life together is literally insurmountable and he realizes it.
- Differing values. The word “values” covers a lot of important ground, including religion, politics, family, and social issues. If it’s clear early on that you don’t see eye to eye on important subjects, your new interest will walk.
- Conflicting lifestyles. He is an avid sports fan, his whole life is completely absorbed in every conceivable NFL, NBA, etc. team on the books and you hate everything about contact sports. You love to travel to remote corners of the world; his idea of the perfect vacation is Disneyland. He loves to club hop and listen to bands all weekend and you can’t stay awake past nine. NOT going to work.
- Player syndrome. Like it or not, there are charming people out there who NEVER have any intention of settling down to a single relationship.
How to deal with being ghosted
Alright, so if you’ve been ghosted, now how do you deal with it?
1. Make sure you’ve legitimately been ghosted by at least a FEW contact attempts. (not fifty)
2. Call them out on it and just ask if they are ignoring you.
3. If you have done step one and two, cease all attempts at contact.
4. Delete everything related to them.
5. Do not blame yourself and feel like the only woman in the world this has happened to.
6. Realize they are not worth it if they skulk away without explanation.
7. Don’t rationalize, worry or bitch about it, just accept it.
8. Be grateful they’re gone. You got rid of a loser sooner than later.
9. Get out there and find someone else to get interested in.
10. Have yourself a giggle at their expense. I mean, come on! Ghosting is so High School, so look at them like that!
Susan Z’s Verdict
I cannot stress enough how important it is to laugh and keep a sense of humor over the fact you just got ghosted by an adult. After you have worked through the shock, anger and hurt, then have a good laugh at the person who did not have the maturity, self-respect or cojones to politely say what needed to be said. Anyone who thinks ghosting is the best way to deal, or rather not deal with ending a relationship is a total asshole who deserves to be laughed at. Try it, it will definitely make you feel better.
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Susan Z Rich is an emotional addiction counselor, spiritual intuitive and holistic therapist. She counsels others to see life in a more positive way and teaches personal accountability for life choices. She is also the author of several children’s books and Soul Windows…Secrets From The Divine. (life cycles) Learn more at her website: www.szrwhitewings.com