You Don’t Have To Be Perfect To Deserve Love

You Don’t Have To Be Perfect To Deserve Love

Any reader advisor inevitably gets asked the question, why did he leave me for her? Insinuating that there is something more the other woman has that she does not. We get it into our head and hearts that we are not enough to deserve to be loved by someone unconditionally but most of all, learning to love ourselves with flaws and all.

What trips most of us up when it comes to self-love, which by the way is necessary to have a happy relationship with yourself and someone else. We’ve all heard the old cliché of “You can’t truly be loved until you love yourself.” In reality, nothing could be further from the truth. First of all, who in the world truly, fully loves themselves all of the time? It’s this exact perfectionistic thinking that often drives most people to self-loathing. They think, “If I’m not perfect in improving my body positivity then I’m failing… and I clearly don’t love myself or if I would have lost that weight and still do not like being alone. So I must be totally flawed and obviously don’t love myself enough, so how in the world can anyone else love me?”

Self-love, self-esteem, and self-acceptance all exist on a sliding scale concept. No person, regardless of how much meditation or therapy they’ve done, has a 100% loving perception of themselves, in every moment, regarding every area of their lives. And anyone who tries to convince you that they do is likely trying to sell you the Grand Canyon or a self-help course. And that flawless loving relationship does not exist out there, either with ourselves or others love for us. So, get over it and quit striving to never arriving at the illusionary perfect you that you think you have to be in order to feel loved and be loved.

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Here are few things to think about when you start comparing yourself to the fantasy version of yourself, thinking that is who you have to be in order to be happy, loved and ‘all that’.

1. Love is not a scarce resource. There is plenty of love out there and within you. The scarcity mindset around love is a pervasive myth that permeates our lives when wanting a relationship and being in one.
2. You must love yourself fully before someone else will be able to begin to love you, or at least begin to receive it properly.” This is bullshit! There are lots of things we don’t like about ourselves and we work at changing what we can but if it never goes away, it does not mean you are unlovable.
3. The belief of “Oh, you don’t love yourself? Well, never mind then, no love for you. Needs to go out with the trash.” You are fully deserving of love, in every moment of your life, whether you believe it to be true or not.
4. We read tons of articles saying to change this or fix that and love will show up. You should be making the changes for yourself to feel happier about who you are, not a prerequisite to be loved.
5. Literally no one is perfect. In theory we might get this, but really, there isn’t a single perfect person on the planet, so that kind of throws out the whole concept of needing to be one in order to be loved, out the window.
6. You learn things in relationships you couldn’t learn otherwise. You learn that everyone has a different definition of what a perfect girlfriend is and it is then you realize what doesn’t work for you.
7. Your dog isn’t perfect and you really love him or her. In fact, they can be pretty naughty and test your limits of patience but that lasts about a minute and then all they have to do is smile and wag their tail and your heart melts. Perfect?
8. Being good and being perfect are different. We should strive to be the best people we can be every day and better the next day. That journey is enough if you stick to it.
9. If you have extra love to give, then you’re ready, regardless of how long any of these relationships last.
10. Unless you are a closest serial killer, our imperfections are what makes us interesting. What’s “imperfect” is sometimes just unique, if there’s anything we should be doing, it’s being authentic, no matter how different our version seems.

Susan Z

Susan Z Rich is an emotional addiction counselor, spiritual intuitive and holistic therapist. She counsels others to see life in a more positive way and teaches personal accountability for life choices. She is also the author of several children’s books and Soul Windows…Secrets From The Divine.