You’ve Broken Up… Now What?
As a counselor, therapist and intuitive psychic reader, a romantic breakup is the hardest thing to deal with. It is almost impossible to tell someone with a broken heart, things will get better which of course with time, they always do. The inner child only knows they want what they just lost and there is no consoling them.
A break up of a relationship is never easy for anyone involved unless you have that rare instance of a sociopath who goes from person to person feeling nothing and gaining everything.
If you are doing the breaking up, you ponder how, why, when and if you are making a mistake letting this person go out of your life and if so, could you get them back?
If you are the one being told the relationship is over or worse yet get ghosted, your self-esteem takes a huge hit and your heart longs for what might have been. No matter what anyone says, it takes time to heal a broken heart.
In the movie with Diane Keaton and Jack Nicholson, Something’s Got To Give, Keaton’s character gets her heart broken for the first time in her mature life and she FEELS it! Screaming, crying, emoting all the drama of a heartbroken teenager. That is healthy!
Pretending that it doesn’t matter and you are just going to move on, is not. Here are some experts’ advice on things not to do after a break up and also some actions to take to help you get through the heartbreak and make you feel better faster.
Things Not To Do After a Breakup
- Pretend you’re fine. Let yourself mourn. Cry. Punch a pillow. Journal. Surround yourself with friends who listen. The temptation may be to pretend you’re unaffected by the breakup; don’t let pride get in the way of being real.
- Trying to be “just friends.” It does NOT work! It is a ploy of the ego to keep you connected to something you can’t have. Create intentional space for a while and let yourself mourn the end of the relationship.
- Seek revenge. Don’t key his car, kidnap his cat, or destroy his stuff. And never, ever do something that could land you in legal trouble. (If you share the lease, deal with it like responsible adults. Don’t lock him out.)
The thrill of revenge only feeds bitterness and hatred.
- Communicate. In any format. If you still need to process and your ex will talk to you, pick up the phone and express how you feel but resist the urge to text or call like you did when you were together. If he has gone radio silent, call a friend instead.
- Beg for reconciliation. Maybe you don’t understand why it ended. Maybe you think it ended for the wrong reasons. Maybe you’d just rather be in a bad relationship than be in no relationship at all but if they do not want to be with you, that is the bottom line. Deep down you know you really don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want you.
- Sleep together. Under no circumstances do the “friends with benefits” routine. Afterwards, you will feel yucky and try to hold onto that sex moment as a possibility of reconciliation.
- Don’t Facebook-stalk your ex. Social media can be dangerous when dealing with heartache. Give yourself two rules: Don’t post anything about the breakup drama online. “Defriending” or at least hiding statuses can help you avoid the constant temptation to check in and see if your ex is living a life more miserable or worse, more awesome than yours.
- Make an appointment to get your haircut or a tattoo. Breakups brings rash decisions that you may regret later. Hair can grow back but a tattoo is there permanently.
- Let it go. Don’t let a breakup destroy hope. Continue taking care of yourself and start focusing on just you and what makes you happy. Love isn’t a one-shot-only experience.
Here Are Some Positive Actions To Help Heal That Broken Heart
- Think about it! You can be yourself again. No walking on egg shells all the time and do exactly what you want to do when you want to do it. Freedom to be you again!
- You now know what you absolutely want in a relationship by experiencing what you don’t want.
- Recognizing that going through a painful breakup teaches you to have compassion for others which is high on the list of the soul’s learning lessons.
- You have now learned what false friendship looks like and who your true friends are.
- You have learned you cannot be responsible for other’s choices, only yours and you cannot MAKE anyone love you if they don’t. You can only be responsible for your feelings and actions. They also take their baggage with them and you can stop worrying about how he is going to pay his child support, getting a job or that he hates his ex-wife.
- You no longer have to make every excuse in the book to overlook bad treatment. Unhealthy relationships come in every form imaginable. The worst relationship is one you hide behind. With the excuse of your significant other out of the way, you can finally face your own fears and pursue your dreams.
- If you didn’t like his family or his friends, his sports or his drinking buddies, you now no longer have to put up with them. Yeah!
- 8. You can now hog the covers or sleep in the middle of the bed and have five pillows all to yourself.
- The loss of this relationship now makes room in your heart and life for the best yet to come. Make a fabulous grocery list of everything you want in a new relationship and didn’t have in the past one. Send it out there into the Universe, knowing you deserve it and it’s just a breath away.
- When you feel you are ready and before you go to sleep, visualize a pair of cutting shears snipping the chords that connect your heart to your ex’s heart. Asking the universe to release you to make way for a new and happy love.
Psychic Susan Z’s Verdict
In reality, time is the only healer of a broken heart but you can help it along with some of the above-mentioned suggestions. Keep your thoughts on you and what you want now. Everytime you start putting your attention to your ex, change it to something else. It will take practice but eventually you will find that empty space in your heart has been filled with happier and more positive feelings. And that is exactly what new love is attracted to, not misery.
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Susan Z Rich is an emotional addiction counselor, spiritual intuitive and holistic therapist. She counsels others to see life in a more positive way and teaches personal accountability for life choices. She is also the author of several children’s books and Soul Windows…Secrets From The Divine.